October

I am new using this forum. To be honest I found this website trying to decide a method to finish with my life.
I lost most of my relatives during October, even my best friend. So, my depression is very strong right now.
I´m using therapy, pills, gym, etc... but when I am feeling down is just like a terrible bainstorm full of suicidal thoughts. I don´t want to come home, my place is empty now. My wife asked for ¨time¨ because she needs to think if she can deal with my depression. After 14 years, I lost my job for the first time. I feel anxiety because I was looking for a job during 16 months and now I am so afraid to lose my job again with all the financial crisis around the World.

I spend my nights trying to read or watching tv but I´m not focused. I can´t sleep, I can´t eat.
I have been under treatment during 4 years but to be honest I never felt something so strong like this before.
I just want to stop this pain, I just want to rest.

 

Mau, I am sorry for all of the losses that you have had to deal with, I know the pain those can bring, I am here for the same reason. I have been coming here for a year now, this room and the people that administer this Forum are caring considerate and Kind. I have now been out of work for 3 years in February so I can Identify with you in more ways. Mau Welcome to SF you are safe and there are lots of caring people here Mau slow down if you are able your mind is probably going in 50 directions at once.
Try to connect with some of the people in here, we have a chat room and we are open and functioning 24/7 we also have a new game room, I have not tried it yet but I think it is going a lot, I have not really tried video games since pacman! back in the day!
I do not know what they have for games, that you will have to check out yourself.


I stopped eating an lost a lot of weight I was down to 115 lbs I weigh about 215 right now but i have never been this heavy before, I am 6'2" so I can carry it! I still right now have trouble sleeping but i was doing well. I am telling you this so that you can see I have gone through what you are dealing with now, no two of us deal with things in the same way though, This Forum with the people that staff it are great, they have a great deal of experience and knowledge to offer, try reading some of the Forums and then try talking with some of the people if you are not already! I am generally around during the day and sometimes I am here at night as well, but you can talk or get together with anyone here. talking with others here is one form of therapy you won't get anywhere else. from what I know. Try slowing down an taking deep breaths, you have made it before, I know it will take a while but I believe that you can do it, don't beat yourself up or put yourself down, life and other people will try doing that for you! but here you are safe, I hope you can get to feeling comfortable as well! I might see and talk with you again, If you want, Just send me a message, I will get back to you! Take Care of yourself, I wish you the best!