I took an intentional OD of vallium on Wednesday and they found me in time to get me to the hospital. I felt like I was treated like a criminal by the ER doctor. My family doctor came and he was extremely compassionate but I was still ashamed to face him. When I was taken to ICU, I felt even more like a criminal. They locked the bathroom and they kept the door open to keep checking on me. I freaked out when I saw my name on a sheet of paper the nurse had and "OD" was by it. As would happen, my therapist was out of town all week so his partner came and saw me in the hospital. When I was discharged, I was so unsteady and still am. I'm living in secrecy because virtually no one knows that I did this. They'd be shocked and would not be able to understand why this "pillar of the community/socialite" would do this. I'm on 50 mg of trazadone three times a day and now I have to take 150mg of trazadone at bedtime--so four doses in all. I'm extremely tired and just flat. I have to drink two cups of tea in the morning to wake up. I've seen my priest in the E/R and ICU. I saw him yesterday and was at Mass today. I'm going to visit with him this week. I'm scheduled to see my therapist tomorrow and I'm scared. I had made a suicide pact with him that I would not do anything and I broke my promise. Whenever I'm in distress, he's the only one who can calm me down. I'm crying all of the time. I'm still thinking the "ugly thoughts" and I don't think I'll try it again but for all of the "ugly thoughts" that I've had since February, I've never acted on them until now. Can anyone else relate? I feel so isolated.