OD'd on Monday night... survived, obviously.

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by treasureBelle, Jul 14, 2011.

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  1. treasureBelle

    treasureBelle Member

    Warning: REALLY long. :eek:

    Monday night I was (mentally) all over the place. Some people on here may remember my post in the Uncertainty Principle that evening... I was quite delusional actually.

    Anyway, I overdosed very heavily on Monday night. 2 pills at a time, over and over, followed by water. Afterwards, I went back to the kitchen to finish the washing up.
    Then came the sickness. I'd not eaten since early Sunday morning, so an empty stomach hardly helped matters. I threw up once in the bathroom.

    At some point a bit that night (not much later, but I wasn't really keeping track of time), the effects of the OD were starting to hit me, and I was feeling really sick. So, I packed a bag and set off to walk to A&E (ER), about 2-ish miles away I think.
    Yep, walk. Somehow in my delusional state of mind, I convinced myself that since I could walk, I would be wasting an ambulance's time.

    I got most of the way to the hospital on foot, but I was feeling increasingly sick with each step, and felt like I wanted to throw up again. However, I knew that the local psychiatric hospital was en route (I've been there before for an ED support group). It was only really when I reached the p hospital that I decided to go in there, but I guess it doesn't really matter.
    I figured that a hospital is a hospital, and that someone would know what to do. So I went in and told the people at Reception, who called an ambulance to take me to A&E.

    Spent a long time waiting to be seen, convincing myself that therefore I couldn't possibly be *that* serious if I was waiting so long to be treated.

    So yeah... eventually, sometime after 1am (I'd overdosed around half 8 in the evening), I was put on the ward, with an IV drip. (Not exactly sure what it was, but the nurse said it was an antidote, and I know it had glucose in it. Didn't really see the point in arguing tbh, just let them do what they wanted.)

    The first half of the rest of the night was AWFUL. :( I've never been that sick before. I felt nauseated from moving an inch, and spent most of the night throwing up. The nurses told me the drip would make me feel sick at first, but that it might also be the amount of pills I OD'd on that I was throwing up too. I wasn't even sure *what* I was throwing up, as my stomach was basically empty since I'd not eaten for about 2 days by then. I was too tired and sick to even be at all embarrassed when the nurse gave me an injection in my behind to try and stop the nausea.

    Woke up in time for breakfast the next morning... only managed one slice of toast out of the two, and none of the orange juice. Managed a bit more lunch and was eating properly again by dinnertime. :)

    That morning (Tuesday), the doctor came on his round, and said that I'd most likely be on the drip until midnight, but they'd keep me on it until Wednesday morning just to be on the safe side. He said that after that, I'd *physically* be OK to go, but that I had to see the psych team Tuesday and most likely Wednesday too, before my chances of being discharged could be confirmed.

    Tuesday I was quite a bit less delusional. :) I still felt worried about "pink clouds coming to get me", and couldn't explain how or why, but I could at least recognise the fact that that did sound a bit unusual. That morning I saw the liaison psychiatrist, who told me he wanted to talk to me again on Wednesday too.

    Wednesday morning I came off the drip, and saw the pdoc again. He said he'd refer me to the pdoc at the hospital close to where I'm currently staying, and also gave me some MH lit, websites, phone numbers etc, but said that otherwise he was happy for me to go. :) I was a bit surprised actually, I'd expected to be kept in longer. Oh well.

    So yeah... got home Wednesday lunchtime. One friend wanted me to come out into town for the day because the weather was good... I resisted and eventually declined (I have hayfever, and burn extremely easily in the sun), and decided to stay in the flat.

    However, that wasn't quite the end of the problem. When the pdoc had asked me at the hospital if I still felt suicidal, I had truthfully (at that time) answered no, because I didn't want to repeat the effects of Monday night again. Were there a guaranteed easy/painless method to commit suicide, the answer would have probably been different, but I'm rather averse to pain. (That's why I OD'd rather than used another method.)
    I was discharged, I walked back to the flat, I was all fine. The problem started when I got back inside the flat: you see, Monday night, I'd taken all the pills I thought I'd use, out of their packets and put them on the bed. When I OD'd, I didn't manage to swallow as many as I planned. So, when I got back from hospital, the leftover pills were still lying on the bed. :( Not good.
    I felt scared and didn't trust myself not to OD again if I went in there. So I shut myself in the living room, and read, wrote, watched TV and slept. Luckily, my friend Laura wanted to visit me and check I was doing OK. When she arrived (with food, hugs and sympathy), I explained to her why I couldn't go in the bedroom, and she was awesome. :D She took the pills away for me. I have no idea if she kept them/threw them away/whatever, but I decided it didn't matter, so long as they weren't there for me to OD on.
    Strangely, although there was other stuff in the flat that could potentially enable a suicide attempt, it was only the pills I'd left on the bed that I didn't trust myself with. I wasn't even remotely tempted by alcohol, or sharp knives, or my friend's prescription drugs in the bathroom cabinet.

    (Partly because I'm pain averse... I attempted to cut once, a few years ago, and hardly even managed to get to the size of a paper cut because it hurt too much.) Don't get me wrong, I do sometimes self harm :( (not often, just occasionally when I'm really bad), but I usually bite or hit myself, or pick a scab if I am doing it.

    Laura has been amazing the last few days. She planned to visit me in hospital (though I was discharged before she could), so then she visited me when I got out; she brought food for me to heat up, filled my kitchen/fridge etc with food (I hadn't thought to food shop coming back from the hospital), then stayed with me, talking to me to check I'd be OK.
    Today, she came round this afternoon and we baked a cake, she bought me even *more* food, and we had a girly night in with a DVD. :D

    I'm not (as) suicidal anymore... I don't know of a method that won't hurt and/or put me through a similar/worse hell than Monday night, and I don't want to repeat Monday night again. So, I'm stuck living for the moment. Part of me is happy about that, part of me isn't.
    But for now I'm just dealing with it. I think Laura's coming round tomorrow night for *another* girly DVD night. We're sticking to fluffy chick flicks atm, partly because Laura doesn't like gory/creepy stuff, and a lot of my other DVDs are kind of depressing/morbid.

    I'm trying to occupy my time as much as possible at the moment, even if that means taking regular naps.
    This week, I've still got to properly clean the kitchen; take out the recycling; take a bag of stuff to donate to the charity shop; catch up on the tv shows I watch :p and vacuum the flat. It's not highly urgent stuff, but it's something to do. I also plan to go to church on Sunday, since I'm currently just a minute's walk away. (My friend nicknamed it "happy church" because she says the people there seem incessantly cheerful.) Unfortunately because it's summer there's only one Sunday service atm rather than the usual 2 or 3, but it is a nice atmosphere. :)

    I'm still not *completely* overjoyed that I survived (despite having gone to hospital of my own free will), but I can't really think of an easy way to get around that, so I figure I might as well fill my days in the meantime.

    :blink: Whoops. Sorry for the novel!
  2. kote

    kote Account Closed

    im really glad you shared that with us!!!
    looks like you had a hell of a time and im so glad you have such a good friend!!!
    ive got so many meds around me but never think of them as a method as just as you described its nothing but puke and wretching pain.
    i tried a different method but my support network kicked in and saved me. i saw my dr. today and we sorted out new meds and i spent a relaxing 3hrs asleep on a drip in a really trippy dream state. two injections - on the bum - ouch and a drip and i come out of the hospital a new person.
    you did extremely well considering the circumstances!!! you should be proud!!! but please get a support network in place of trustworthy people who can watch you for signs and point out to you when youre going up or down or are pretty stable.
    im glad you are still with us and you shared your story. it will help many not to use that method. NOT THAT ANYONE SHOULD BE USING ANY METHOD!!! lol take care!!!
  3. treasureBelle

    treasureBelle Member

    Thanks Neanderthal.

    Yeah, I'm gathering people around me, and filling my time for the moment. I'm still not exactly thrilled that I didn't complete the attempt, but until there's a simple, painless, guaranteed method found, I guess I'm stuck alive.

    Laura has been amazing. The other night we had a girly night in, made a cake, and watched a chick flick. She also filled my kitchen with food, since I didn't think to shop coming out of hospital. Even when she's not round here, she calls and texts me to check I'm OK, and asks if there's anything I need when she goes shopping.

    I spent today hanging round the flat. Tempted as I was to stay in bed all day, I got up (albeit rather late), showered, dressed etc... I figured I should do that at the very least. I have spent the day watching TV and eating cake, but that must be better than nothing at all? :blink: I don't know.
    I've made plans for tomorrow and Sunday, anyway.

    Tomorrow morning, Laura's taking me to her church, where a group meets at 9am Saturdays for Bible study and breakfast. (I am religious, though not *fanatical* or preachy etc, but meh.) Not something I usually do, but it gets me out of the flat. Churches tend to be friendly places, so it should be OK. :)

    I've also made plans to go for a walk to the beach with my friend Darren in the afternoon (tomorrow). He had asked if I wanted to go out drinking, but I don't feel up to that yet. It's more that I don't feel safe not being sober yet, but I wasn't sure how to say that, so I just told him I can't handle alcohol atm... he'll most likely assume that's doctors orders, or an after-effect of the attempt, so meh. I'm planning on taking some of the cake, too. :D

    Sunday, I'm going to my church with Laura. I wanted to go to ALL the services because it's rather fun and would take up most of the day :D meaning I wouldn't have to think much. Unfortunately, they only do one Sunday service during the summer :( at 10am, so that'll have to do.
    On the other hand, Laura's taking me to the cinema to see the last Harry Potter :) which admittedly looks great, and I have been wanting to see anyway. (Had my attempt succeeded, I'd never have got to see it! :eek:hmy: ) So we're going to that. I may see who else wants to come too. :)

    I came to the realisation today that I must have forgotten my phone charger at the hospital :eek:hmy: which isn't so helpful, as my battery is really low atm. I'm hoping to have time to get it tomorrow, before my phone dies, as it's basically my only form of communication atm! This is, assuming that the staff/people on the ward found it. Otherwise that'll be me buying a new one. :grr: I'm sure I must have left it there though, because I today thoroughly checked the bag I took with me to hospital and it wasn't in there. Aargh. I've been forgetting things ever since being discharged!
  4. treasureBelle

    treasureBelle Member

    Phone charger is sorted... I found my spare one. :D (I thought I had a spare one, but am living out of boxes/bags atm and didn't think I'd find it.) Now my phone won't die on me tomorrow, and I don't have to trek over to the hospital. (Well, I COULD... but I can't be bothered, frankly. Especially since I have a charger here.)

    Also found my bible for the bible study group tomorrow morning, so I'm prepared. :cool:

    So, I'm all prepared for tomorrow, at least. My weekend is basically planned out, so I'll just concentrate on that for the moment, and leave next week until next week.

    Right, I'd better get a decent night's sleep if I've got an early start in the morning. :) Night everyone.
  5. hatemylife

    hatemylife Member

    How are you doing these days?
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