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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wallflower, Feb 16, 2008.

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  1. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    I've been thinking about my slight suicide attempt a few days ago. I can't really get to terms with it and its weird. First off, my dad had to take me to the hospital because I had swallowed a bottle of xanax and drank some wine...and some other medication and some ibuprofen...I basically became unaware of what I was doing but was still doing things. The last thing I remembered was I fell asleep on my couch after swallowing all these pills.
    I was also upset for other reasons. But nothing too serious. I wasn't really upset, I just felt like doing it. I felt like being someone else. I believe in reincarnation.
    I have bits and pieces of flashes of what happened. Somehow when my dad came home from work he found me on my bed and he had trouble waking me up, saw the empty bottles the notes and the website on the computer. He told me to take a cold shower to wake up and I don't even remember taking it. Then he had to take me to the local hospital. Then it's all blurry and I remember that I had an iv in me, but this was like a flashback when I was just sleeping in my bed again. I did all of this and managed to get a huge bruise and three others on me. So anyways, I go back to the site and they're still saying it was a plea for attention. And that I "swallowed three advil" and my dad gets angry at me finally after I mention I went back there. I promised not to.
    I don't know what to do. I have social anxiety, no real friends, schizophrenia, and I am starting to feel very claustrophobic and manic.
    I can't drive, but I'm trying to. What my dad doesn't get is that i could just drive straight into another car without even thinking. It's that bad, my focus level is zero, gone, nothng, flat. I can't think.
    But things are getting better. I just had to vent this because I feel helpless.
    I'm afraid...I have some strange sort of depression that won't go away with any medication. It's chest pains, tearing pains, and emotional pains.

    No one seems to notice. No one seems to understand, I am really starting to lose my grip. I don't think I care anymore. I don't really have a reason to care. I have my dad and my brother. My mom isn't someone I can talk to.

    I just have been thinking about doing it again because it was so fun.
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    did the hospital offer you any follow-up supports? if so, please be sure to contzact them.

    i'm really sorry you were so low that you attempted... but glad you didn't succeed. as for the other site, ignore 'em. the fact that you tried speaks pretty loudly to me about the level of pain you are feeling.

    please don't try again. it *is* possible to get beyond all of this pain and suffering. i'll be keeping you in in my thoughts,

  3. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    no, it wasn't a serious overdose. My dad called poison control and they suggested that I go to the ER. I was there for five hours. I don't remember anything though. There was no follow up and I just woke up in my own bed the next day with a slight recollection until they told me. Sorry for the ranting, I just needed to let it all out somehow.
  4. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    im sorry you have got to the point where you feel so low and hope you get the help and support you need, i wassaddened to read the part where you said it was "fun" hun, can i ask you to stand back just for one minute and look at how it could and probably has effected your dad and your family they wont consider it to be a fun day in their lives, please dont take this the wrong way but i have taken an overdose on 2 occassions , one of which i was found by my son, it has scared him forever im sure and i have to look at him every day realising the pain i caused not just him but the other members of my family it really firghtened him, but it also makes people ask why are they not imporant enough for you to say, a terrible thing for them to be thinking as thats not true they your family are the reason for staying but they wont see it that way, i cant change what i did i can oly fight and try not to do that to them again, i do understand what you are saying becouse sometimes the feeling of suiide become so intense you dont think you just want to leave, but think, fight and try your best to stay not just for you but for those that love you and would be devesated if you left,
    please take care sweetie and keep fighting for you and those that love you
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