I've been thinking about my slight suicide attempt a few days ago. I can't really get to terms with it and its weird. First off, my dad had to take me to the hospital because I had swallowed a bottle of xanax and drank some wine...and some other medication and some ibuprofen...I basically became unaware of what I was doing but was still doing things. The last thing I remembered was I fell asleep on my couch after swallowing all these pills. I was also upset for other reasons. But nothing too serious. I wasn't really upset, I just felt like doing it. I felt like being someone else. I believe in reincarnation. I have bits and pieces of flashes of what happened. Somehow when my dad came home from work he found me on my bed and he had trouble waking me up, saw the empty bottles the notes and the website on the computer. He told me to take a cold shower to wake up and I don't even remember taking it. Then he had to take me to the local hospital. Then it's all blurry and I remember that I had an iv in me, but this was like a flashback when I was just sleeping in my bed again. I did all of this and managed to get a huge bruise and three others on me. So anyways, I go back to the site and they're still saying it was a plea for attention. And that I "swallowed three advil" and my dad gets angry at me finally after I mention I went back there. I promised not to. I don't know what to do. I have social anxiety, no real friends, schizophrenia, and I am starting to feel very claustrophobic and manic. I can't drive, but I'm trying to. What my dad doesn't get is that i could just drive straight into another car without even thinking. It's that bad, my focus level is zero, gone, nothng, flat. I can't think. But things are getting better. I just had to vent this because I feel helpless. I'm afraid...I have some strange sort of depression that won't go away with any medication. It's chest pains, tearing pains, and emotional pains. No one seems to notice. No one seems to understand, I am really starting to lose my grip. I don't think I care anymore. I don't really have a reason to care. I have my dad and my brother. My mom isn't someone I can talk to. I just have been thinking about doing it again because it was so fun.