ODing

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by plates, May 28, 2010.

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  1. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I want to OD.
    I have no one to talk to, I've talked to my CPN, she can only do so much.
    The pain is getting unbearable by the hour.
     
  2. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Stay and talk to us, trust me the urge to od will pass. Vent here, I am around if you need someone to talk too =)
     
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    no it comes and goes, it will never go completely. nobody takes me seriously. i have no one, because everyone around me was damaging. people never get it. people never get how they effect others, some people make up stories to make themselves feel better, about what they did to me.
     
  4. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Yeah I appreciate the urges about it coming and going, have you been given any advice from your CPN about coping with the urges. Did they give you any emergency numbers you can talk to someone on- tell them how bad you are feeling?

    People can be full of shit to be honest, the negative ones are best ignored- although I know it is easier said then done, but at the end of the day it is there issue if they have a problem with you and there own insecurities that are making them lash out/say things, and they are best not thought about. There are a lot of positive people here who will take you serious okay.
     
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    my cpn said: "relaxation," emergency numbers of a CRT that i have had so much trouble with in the past.
    can't happen too much going on inside. i can't not think about those people, they had an effect, they damaged me, and i want to die because of that.

    thank you for taking the trouble to reply to me.
     
  6. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    These people surely are not worth you hurting over someone said to me the other do not let them win, do not give in to them, do not give them the satisfaction of knowing they have won.

    Surely by being you and staying here, and fighting through all this you are proving them wrong, and giving them the pre-verbal two fingers up. I know it seems impossible but you can fight through this believe me you can, stay and keep talking ride it out.
     
  7. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry, i appreciate your reply but i've heard it so much before


    they don't give a fuck if i die.
    they don't give a fuck.
    these people are sick
    my life meant NOTHING
    they aren't here seeing me struggle, and if they do, one of them, who i talked to and left, is so clueless and brain dead he doesn't know what he's doing and saying. i had to have some answers. and i got them.

    my life, my pain last year, and my death which is what i struggle with every day, means nothing, because i'm "a fighter"
    i have no friends because, they tend to be all the same, i'm someone for them "to talk to", because i'm a friendly person.

    thank you anyway.
     
  8. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    You have no idea how much I can relate to that last post of yours seriously it was eerie, but I am still here fighting and in my head yeah sure I am trying to work out why when no one cares. And the reason is this: You deserve to be happy, you deserve a chance in this life, and sometimes you have to go through hell to get there. It aint going to be easy and it will test you and people I find suck, friends leave (I have found that to be painfully true recently).

    But you have to give yourself a chance to be well and be happy, who knows what is around the corner. But you wont find out if you do this believe =( Please keep talking, and please keep fighting this.
     
  9. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i am happy, i love being alive, but i'm fucking damaged, IT WILL NEVER EVER END IT WILL NEVER END. my whole life i'm managing not killnig myself.
    i'm sorry. i'm sorry if i sound rude but i can't do this anymore. i can't i can't i can't. i feel sick inside i can't beleive what he did i can't believe what he did.
     
  10. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    What happened? =(?
     
  11. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    it's too much for me to talk about right now.

    thanks for talking to me you're sweet.
     
  12. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Well please believe me when I say you can pull through this, feel free to keep venting okay I am here, and my pm is always open.
     
  13. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i've given myself a chance I DO everything to stop myself going into hospital or ODing or jumping. but every day, is the same, it's dodging killing myself, it's dodging the truth about what certain people did, and have done.
    i'm alone. i'm happier alone, being around sick blind people does not help me- they're empty platitudes, their romanticisation, their bullshit about not letting people win, when the extent of damage has NOTHING to do with "self vicitimisation," people in their dreamlands.

    an OD will kill me and damage me a lot, or disable me, so that's why i've tried not to take anything. you know how people brush OD's off? like "it won't do anything", bullshit you know? i had a seizure a few years ago with only 7 tablets.
     
  14. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    If you feel that bad then honestly going to hospital might be the best idea, at least then you will be safe there. Trust me the thought of going in terrifies me but I have thought about it on lots of occasions, even now it might be a possibility. Anything is better then killing yourself trust me on this one, cos I will tell you for one thing no it is not the easy way out I hate that bull shit people say too blah >.< but one I do not want you to harm yourself and two I believe you can and will fight through this.

    IF you did overdose survived then you will feel worse trust me it is horrible I have been there too many times recently even thinking about it now messes my head up, Please consider going to hospital talking to someone there now? I really truly want you to get through this =)
     
  15. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i know, if i survive the OD i will feel shit. that stops me too. i hate ODs, i'm sorry to hear you've gone through so many recently.

    i can go to hospital, be treated like shit, depending who i see, or have certain workers push me off the edge, depending on who i see, because i will most probably will appear completely fine (i dissociate) they will discharge me, and i'll be back here if i don't jump. that's what happens a lot of the time.
     
  16. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Thing is you just have to be honest with them, and take a chance. Explain you disacoite its a very common thing that people do when they have to cover ground like this. Give you an example when i was talking about od in the previous one I basically shut my eyes and touch typed, that is the same thing-so they should understand.

    You have to go and give it a shot, I know they can be hit and miss but it is there job to help and support you.
     
  17. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    rich- is it okay to call you rich?

    thank you for talking to me through these few hours. i don't feel the compulsion anymore, and i feel better (for now). your words and offer to hear me out, helped me and i hope you understand how much that means to me, as i could have done so many things last year but didn't, because i do love being alive when i'm not in so much pain.

    but tell me, how do you keep going? you sound like you're going through hell, similar to me, how are we still here? i only know that my life has improved so much over the last few years, now i've cut out certain people that hurt me, and although i can be in crisis, and be so unwell, i'm getting better too.
     
  18. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Yes Rich Is fine =)

    Glad I could help, and remember my door (pm) is always open, I take each day as it comes, sometimes I just have to simply break it down hour by hour, at the end of it I hope to find my chance of happiness or at least some inner peace with myself. Like I have said everyone deserves that chance, I have some pretty awesome people that have helped me as well.
     
  19. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    you're one of them, remember that :hug: i do the same, sometimes it's living by the hour and it's been agony. it sounds like we do things in a similar way. :smile:

    take care.
     
  20. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i'm going to be livin gby the hour for along while it seems.
     
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