of social significance and core to my mental disorers, illness and their origin (maybe).

[dandelion s]

I was led to a mental hospital website recently by my therapist. she is trying to get me into an inpatient program there since as so many others have told me, i need intensive help that just talk and meds alone can’t provide. but what i saw on that site stirred something in me that i realize is of a core issue in my troubles. it centers around sexuality. i am really quite angry about it.

the hospital is the new york state psychiatric institute. https://nyspi.org
the image on the top caught my eye right away. and struck me in a sexual way. i suspect that this was intended at least in an unconscious way.

but looking at it a second time, it struck me that this image conveys what i percieve as - what by now should be an archaic issue which at least in the mental healthcare realm should already be long in the past.

the image shows four people walking through a hallway. it conveys something i believe is terribly wrong in our siciety. it being there states to me that the hospital lives by the values of long ago when equal rights recieved very marginal acceptance. the image shows 3 women and 1 man. one can presume that these people are doctors in the hospital. the man is quite a bit taller than the women and what i find so troubling is that the the three women are all gazing at him as they walk. like he has some great importance. I am certain that these 4 all have PhDs. Why, i wonder, are three of them not staring at one of the women instead? are we still back in those “good old days”? this is a mental health facility. are they insisting in remaining in status quo from long ago? where the men are all improtant and the women are there to admire them. one of those women could be making ground breaking change while that man could be sexually harassing his assistant! yet the man is being looked up to. and he is not even looking at any of them. he knows that all attention is on him.

like i said, this issue is core in my mental state. it represents how i perceive myself amongst men and women. there is so much to say about that. i raised my objection to my therapist via text today telling her that i am not opposed to finding treatment in this dark ages mental hospital, but that she can be sure that i will openly push - while in treatment - to have that image taken down and replaced with something that conveys a more healthy commentary on humanity.

my therapist texted back a check mark which is her way of indicating agreement with me. now i just hope my insurance will cover treatment.

 

[Lara_C]

No one really seemed willing to talk to me about it. Some just ignored it altogether.

what i find so troubling is that the the three women are all gazing at him as they walk. like he has some great importance

Wow, you're right about that picture.

 

[Lara_C]

Oops, sorry can't edit out the top quote.

 

[Tana]

Inpatient program?

Also, I didn't see anything wrong with the picture until you pointed it out. I still don't think it's a big deal, but I'm sorry you're upset by it, if that counts.

 

[dandelion s]

Inpatient program?

Also, I didn't see anything wrong with the picture until you pointed it out. I still don't think it's a big deal, but I'm sorry you're upset by it, if that counts.

Yeah, it counts. I just don't understand - aside from the obvious - why it troubles me the way it does. But it definitely does

 

[Tana]

Yeah, it counts. I just don't understand - aside from the obvious - why it troubles me the way it does. But it definitely does

It's okay.
Maybe you could try changing your perspective a bit if your reaction bothers you though. Instead of seeing what you saw, you could try interpreting it differently... For example, I didn't think that was intended and definitely didn't have an ill-willed intent. There were some people on it, they were all well dressed, and seemed to have respectable job positions. Plus, were laughing. the guy looked like he was caught telling a joke, to which they responded. ETC. Just wannabe happy people.

Hope this helps.
If you want it to.

 

[lifetalkz]

I saw something totally different in that picture...firstly, I don't think it's an appropriate picture for the topic it is supposed to be backing up. But that aside, what I see there is an image which consists of equals..the women and the man are all laughing (as if they're all laughing at the same joke, or they're happy about the same thing) like equals, no one higher or better than the other. The man just happens to be taller than the women but I don't see that as meaning that he is in higher authority over the women. He just happens to be tall. Like everyone else, I'm sorry that you're having a rough time...I hope that things get better for you very soon-LT

 

[roryandlola]

I agree with lifetalkz about the picture not really being appropriate for the topic, but I don't think personally that whoever organised the photo really was thinking that deeply about it, it seems just to be a generic business photo showing 'professionals', although i def understand how you could see it differently and im sorry that it is causing you to feel like you do, Im hoping you feel better soon xx

 

[dandelion s]

@someone123 @lifetalkz @roryandlola i actually kind of agree with your points if i try to look at it that way but what troubles me is i really do see it the way i see it as stated above.

and what is improtant about that is because the state of women being treated as lesser has a very strong impact on me - perhaps even in excess - and i feel as if it goes to the core of what is not right inside me. i don’t know what that is or why. there are parts of my life expereinces - particularly my life growing up through about 18, that could indicate the causes but none of that translates into experiences that i can point to and say “yes, that’s it” or even may be it. i’m not just troubled by things and that is the extent of my “problems”. i have been a self harmer all my life. it is not just casual thinking but engaging in dangerous activities to the self.

i’ve gotten advice like “if you don’t like doing it, then stop doing it”. that has never worked. i read a book called the bright red scream. that seems to say that self harm is a cry for help. yet i’ve never displayed my self harm. i was not crying to anyone. i’ve tried it keep it secret. so many people here say that self harm is like a soothing thing. or self punishment. i have never felt soothed by it and while i may hate myself at times, i do also love myself so if it is punishment, i do not know why and it - in that case - began when i was a very young child. the cause from then - if any - remains undefined.

instead of any of the above conditions i have living in me a demonlike thing that i call hijacker. it intentionally harms me specifically for its own enjoyment - i never enjoy it. the “self” harm comes in many forms. actual physical harm, as well as emotional, and psychological. but it is here that is where the problem verges on the area of sexuality and is connected to what i’m pointing out in this thread. for me addressing this is something that is very difficult to address but i think i need to. i also don’t know how. it confronts the existence of me and hurts so much. this is not exactly just being concerned for the rights of women or speaking out against sexual abuse. yet it is tied into whatever the unknown stuff is that makes up me and may very well have been a form of abuse i experienced as i grew up if any. and there must have been.

the problem now is that - as i’ve said, my self harm is escalating at a time when i’ve lost my job and insurance and have to depend on medicare which is horribly deficient when it comes to providing care - especially for mental health. i’ve basically been without my therapist and psychiatrist since this past november and have little hope of ever being able to see them again. it may mean that i have to start all over with therapy with someone who knows nothing about me. this has happened twice now since i began therapy about 5 years ago. i’m not getting close to anything that is helping me stop self harming. i want peace in my life so desperately. i don’t know what to do.

hey, i realize that this post is taking this thread in another direction than the direction it may have seemed to be going when i first posted it. if moving it to another area is appropriate - if an admin person thinks of doing that, i am ok with it.

as things stand now, i was just in the ER for 18 hours - again due to self harm this past thursday. i am clearly a danger to myself but the hospital sent me home. the same hospital has admitted me there twice before and i don’t recall how many times i have been to the ER but the psychiatrist who saw me there the times i was admitted a year ago and before specifically that i am untreatable so i guess that that is why when the subject of admitting me this time came up they dropped talk about it and left me alone for several hours with no information - and no one spoke to me again until a nurse came with my belongings and said i was being discharged.

it is crazy to let me be on my own without securing for me the help i need. i do not think i am incurable. but my help has been severely disrupted twice and the psychiatrist at the above mentioned hospital never really took the time to understand my situation. i think the mental healthcare that i’ve encountered in all my therapy does not really want to try helping. i don’t want my self harming to continue but i have been unsuccessful in trying to stop. and my help has always been so laid back - something just isn’t right and i need to address what i’ve started to in this thread.

 

[roryandlola]

I'm sorry that you feel so bad, can I do anything to help you? I get what you mean about self harm not being a cry for help, [but I do find it very soothing tho]. sending you hugs

 

[Affirm]

I personally think that the women may have been looking at each other. The women in the black outfit and blue outfit - by his left and right - could've been looking at each other, but it looks like they are staring at him, when their gaze is just looking pass him. They may have both been in their frame of vision, or peripherals. It's mainly just speculation, perhaps the others' opinions are right.

 

[dandelion s]

I personally think that the women may have been looking at each other. The women in the black outfit and blue outfit - by his left and right - could've been looking at each other, but it looks like they are staring at him, when their gaze is just looking pass him. They may have both been in their frame of vision, or peripherals. It's mainly just speculation, perhaps the others' opinions are right.

i think i am right!!! but a good deal of that is my own stubbornness. again, what struck me all along from the first time i saw that photo, was the sexual nature of the picture. and then the rest as i descirbed above. so i am wondering, am i just ultra sensitive to things in general? or am i sensitive to inequities that others are not? or am i being stubborn when seeing something that is not there, but having said i see it am now not willing to back down? still i must say it again, to me what i see and how i was struck by it does seem to be inappropriately sexual and rather blatant sexism.

and i will point out that in the mental hospitals i’ve stayed at, touching between patients and patients and doctors, nurses etc is discouraged if not prohibited and many sexual behaviors/expressiveness is discouraged as well. so it strikes me as being a double standard to have a photo for mental healthcare being so sexual, and thus it think it is inappropriate to advertise mental healthcare with that being easily read or misread by even just one person - such as myself.

 

[BlueGreen]

I agree with you @extraterrestrialone about the photo. One man is dressed professionally, the three woman casually and showing more flesh (short skirts) all young and attractive and the man is the centre of attention because he looks down, all other faces are facing him. What you notice is something we have taken for granted and still take for granted but I do notice it too. In art we call it the male gaze. Art is made for men to look at. Women are depicted for men to gaze at. Women are at fault too for not speaking up enough about it. We are so conditioned to it, we don't like to make a fuss or we will face a backlash. It is sexist. They should all be dressed appropiately, they should all be equal and have equal 'weight'. For instance they should be representative of the people who work there - are they all young and attractive?Are they all light skinned? If not, then it should really represent reality and what the patient should expect. As I said, I agree with you 100% but I think the times haven't really caught up yet. Advertisers still use these old ways of drawing attention and making everything conform to old standards of attractiveness. 'Sex sells' in other words.

 

[dandelion s]

I agree with you @extraterrestrialone about the photo. One man is dressed professionally, the three woman casually and showing more flesh (short skirts) all young and attractive and the man is the centre of attention because he looks down, all other faces are facing him. What you notice is something we have taken for granted and still take for granted but I do notice it too. In art we call it the male gaze. Art is made for men to look at. Women are depicted for men to gaze at. Women are at fault too for not speaking up enough about it. We are so conditioned to it, we don't like to make a fuss or we will face a backlash. It is sexist. They should all be dressed appropiately, they should all be equal and have equal 'weight'. For instance they should be representative of the people who work there - are they all young and attractive?Are they all light skinned? If not, then it should really represent reality and what the patient should expect. As I said, I agree with you 100% but I think the times haven't really caught up yet. Advertisers still use these old ways of drawing attention and making everything conform to old standards of attractiveness. 'Sex sells' in other words.

makes me not want to live in this world until i think peope all gotta wake up and speak up much more often and effectively. it actually will make life better for everyone and head off abusive and dangerous behavior for future generations. if it ends up beginning with our kids and their kids etc then so be it. its a worthwhile venture and the sooner the better.