I'd forgotten how good fresh cuts look, there aren't enough though, I need more if I'm gonna bleed to death. Fucking coward that I am, can't even die properly. I wish I had the guts to do it. There's no point to my life so I might as well. I'd rather carve up my own skin than just say to someone "I'm not ok". How fucked up is that? :laugh: I really have no chance of becoming a normal person if I do stupid shit like that. I'm no one, I have no personality, no soul, it's not like I'd be any great loss. I run away before people can get to know me, so it's not like anyone would be losing anything. I'd rather die than own up to how I'm feeling. I'd rather go to the grave never opening up about anything than risk being laughed at. It's happened too many times, I never fight back. Keeping everything in is better than being vulnerable, at least then I'm the only one who can hurt me. The sick part is I want to open up, I want to say everything that's going through my head. I want to confess what I think about every night, what I dream about, what my first thought is when I wake up, what thoughts I struggle so hard not to think throughout the day but are always there at the back of my mind giving me this sickening pointless hope that makes me want to die but at the same time is the only thing keeping me going. Please just kill me now because it'll never go away. Destroy my mind so I can't think. Just please don't make me say it out loud.