oh dear...od

[gforce7]

just out of hospital - been on a drip for the last 4 days.

was desperate, felt more depressed and hopeless than i ever have in my life on wednesday/thursday. i<Mod Edit - methods>

woke up with severe pain and nausea at about 4am. got to hospital about 5am and they put me on the antidote - my mum found me wretching and in pain.

i went bright yellow apparantly. doctor said that i'm very lucky to be alive, considering my size and the amount i took, but that i am healthy, and got to the hospital in time to reverse effects <Mod Edit - methods> on my liver.

i'm feeling good at the moment, i hope it continues. i think i'm just elated to be out of hospital. bored to tears in there and have no privacy...have to make constant small talk with nurses and fellow patients, and be pleasant when ur feeling anything but.

i was so stupid, but i was in so much pain and saw no future...keep thinking i'll never get another boyfriend. lonely and isolated. sick of being tired all the time cos of the depression - unable to do anything to help myself cos i never have the energy. think i'm a burden on society and my mum.

saw a psychiatrist while i was in there. he's put me on different anti-depressants called 'effexor'. and i think they're gonna take me serious now, arrange proper treatment for me.

so tired, and am all shakey and weak but i'm sure i'll feel better soon.
feel very stupid and embarrassed, but at the moment i don't feel suicidal, and would certainly not try a paracetamol od again!!! physical pain is too much to bear.

i'm thinking more positively about life now. i saw and heard some terrible stories in hospital - realise my quality of life may not be so bad and that there might be hope for me, that life might get better in the future if i really fight to change my life situation.

 

[Lead Savior]

Im not going to say "Oh Im glad you lived pal", Im going to say I am glad that you're glad you lived, because that is what matters.

 

[gforce7]

at the moment i am...strange feeling. wouldn't exactly say i'm 'glad' i survived though...terrified of that sort of extreme desperate suicidal depression descending on me again. the experience has given me a re-newed outlook on life i think, for the moment... just not to take life too seriously and to try to get enjoyment out of the little things in life. i'm lucky to have good physical health - that hit home while i was in hospital. but i have felt positive after previous od attempts -the depression still comes back :sad:

maybe not this time...maybe i'll finally learn.

 

[Shyfear]

Hey, I'm glad you're feeling better. It's strange how sometimes in the midst of our attempts, we realize how much we want to live. I'm sorry you had to go through that pain though. I od'd on paracetamol a few months ago too, and felt much better personality wise afterward, I thought that I might be able to make it through life, though it didn't last. I know you know what I'm saying because you've been through it too. I hope your hope lasts. Maybe the antidepressant will work for you and everything will be okay. Please try to think that way, okay?

Much love <3

 

[famous.last.words]

im glad your still with us, and the best thing of all is that you feel happy about it.
Just think about the future now, you will be getting help and just maybe things can be better.

:hug: