Oh God! Am I taking the Endura??!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ashtar, Dec 19, 2010.

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  1. ashtar

    ashtar Well-Known Member

    I always talk about how I want to end all this suffering and my useless existence. I never do it though. I attempt but always fail.
    I hate the mess
    Lately I have noticed something wrong.
    I thought I was anorexic but then I even started avoiding water. I have been fasting for many many days but yesterday and today I just couldnt drink water.
    Then I realised that I must be unconsciously taking the endura...
    the endura is has been done by the Cathars who when they felt life had no plans for them anymore stopped eating and drinking and isolated themselves.
    That is exactly what I am doing. No food. No drink. And no people near me...
  2. FlashingFlickering

    FlashingFlickering Well-Known Member

    Please, start eating and drinking again. If you try to die by starvation/dehydration, it will NOT be easy or fun at all. There will be someone who will notice, even if there isn't right now.

    What's making you feel this way, tempting you into doing this?
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    what's endura and who are the cathars? i don't understand...
  4. ashtar

    ashtar Well-Known Member

    They are a form of christianity who died out a while ago. the endura is when you kill yourself buy no eating and drinking and you isolate yourself.

    There are a lot of reasons.
    I dont really want to name them.
    Right now (after being on the chat) I feel crap
  5. Fluffypingu

    Fluffypingu Safety and Support SF Supporter

    please no methords its triggering
  6. ashtar

    ashtar Well-Known Member

    Please answer only if you can help. This is not a method. This is asking for help
  7. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    How about seeing a doctor or even going to A&E?
  8. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    hm, cant imagine not drinking water, but i have been fasting before. you mustn't force yourself to eat, but you should drink water, or something watery, like tangerine.
  9. Infortunatus

    Infortunatus Guest

    I'm not very familiar with your exact circumstances as this is the first of your posts that I've read. But I think that someone who is depressed, suicidal, and not eating or drinking should go to the hospital.
  10. jimmy88

    jimmy88 Well-Known Member

    I've pretty much done the same thing though I don't skip on liquids just yet. Some days like today I forget to eat and I never even skipped a meal before being suicidal. Right now my stomach has that uncomfortable empty feeling but I'm still not hungry (which sounds contradicting.)

    Weed has helped give me a bit of an appetite but it's illegall so don't do that. I'm not sure what else I can say besides "force it down."

    Thanks for posting about the cathars/endura, found it quite interesting.
  11. ashtar

    ashtar Well-Known Member

    I always am fasting in one form or the other. I dont feel deserving of food. But Now its gotten a little out of hand. But it feels nice. Its so quiet
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