Oh god...I fucking hate BPD.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by AsphyxiateOnMisery, Oct 16, 2015.

  1. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I end up falling for people way too fast. And this is now the worst of them all cause I'm fucking married, and yet I've developed somewhat of a...crush lets call it, and I feel guilty as a motherfucker for feeling that way. I've never met him, and truthfully don't even know where he lives or his last name, but we respond to each other's posts a lot on FB, and found a lot of similarities in one another. I'm a heroin addict, so is he, we both relapsed somewhat recently, but still dusting ourselves off and trying our asses off to stay clean again. And he's just so intelligent and real, and a sarcastic asshole when necessary, but so caring at the same time, which I think is absolutely awesome. And I've kind of felt this way before, but now he pretty much made it eveident the feeling's mutual and now I feel it even more. AHHHH. I feel like such an asshole for even writing this. Like seriously, I am a terrible person who should just be put down. I didn't blatantly tell him any of this, and not going to, but he's not stupid so he probably gets it, just like I do. But, nothing's going to happen cause he knows it would be fucked up and he knows I'm married, and so do I. I just seriously can't stand being this way sometimes. My emotions do this type of shit to me and I end up feeling like the biggest **** on planet Earth.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you are just giving each other support that is ok don't be so hard on yourself ok
     
  3. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    I relate to a lot of what you said. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, but if I were you, I'd try to cut off contact with him to protect myself, my husband, and my marriage. I know that disgust you feel with yourself all too well. You shouldn't hate yourself for your feelings. You seem very self-aware, so the best you can do is to not take things any further and to limit or cut off contact. I know that's probably really hard to imagine doing, given your feelings though, but imo it's probably for the best.
     
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Be confident in yourself. Give yourself some faith that you wont cross that cheating line and keep this friendship going. It is fulfilling something void in your life and it is apparent you need that type of friendship if that helps the guilt someone maybe like having a gay best friend or something.