Oh god please help me

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by StevenMiserable, Feb 10, 2014.

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  1. StevenMiserable

    StevenMiserable New Member

    Hi everyone, i am sorry if my problems seem small by comparison to yours but i can assure they are very real to me and i am filled with despair every waking minute of the day. Basically in august last year i gained the professional qualifation earned in blood sweat and tears for 7 years. Since then i have been unable to get any substantial work, and the work i do get is badly paid, all because of the economy in a profession no one ever thought would suffer. Before i went to university i had a cushy civil service job which was well paid for my skill level at the time, but i was miserable and lonely and the only thing that kept me going was the prospect of a better future. Every day now is worse than the last, i am bored out of my mind and i am losing it. There is no light at the end of the tunnel and every little bit of hope i get, gets snatched away. I am losing my mind as my mind is active and getting no stimulation. My own family, my peers and strangers have always thought of me as foolish and stupid, and i am all the more devastated by the fact that i thought for a long time i was proving them wrong, and i was proving them right. There has been a cycle in my life of my worst fears repeatedly coming true, but i somehow fought my way through. And the best part of the last decade has been spent working the proverbial fingers to the bone for the sole purpose of avoiding my worst fears, yet here i am. My worst fear is being in good physical health but without a future, without the prospect of living my dreams, without having anything to look forward to. I feel all my hard work was futile and pointless, as the result is the same as if i hadnt bothered at all. I am drawing on the last reserves of strength i am not even sure i have. I dont think it was unreasonable to expect something better after all that hard work. At least in the past i could have said if i work hard i will get out of this but now i am completely out of ideas and options. The only thing stopping me from offing myself is the possibility i will go to hell, all because of what i was taught as a child, even though i am not religious. I see successful people all around me and it messes with my head, as i thought i had all bases covered to have that life. Living had become a bleak pit of despair, and i have been backed into a corner. Every second feels inbearable. I dont really know why i am here on this forum, but someone please say something. And no religious comments, as they are of no use and make things worse.
     
  2. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Hi Steven welcome to SF - you'll find SF has a lot to offer: support, friendship and chat (there's also a real time chatroom too) - of course your problems are as valid as anyones else's - just give SF a chance and it might be some help to you

    tc Steven

    :freehug:
     
  3. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    I truly am sorry for all that you are going through and do understand how you feel.
     
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome Steve, I'm glad you posted. You are not alone and in a crisis. This place sanctuary for me. Take care. Respect. Keep posting please.
     
  5. StevenMiserable

    StevenMiserable New Member

    Thanks for the messages. The other problem is my fiance and her daughter. I am a shell of a man and i am nowhere near the person i need to be, all i ever wanted to do was fill their lives with joy, now the relationships are crumbling and i feel totally powerless. Sometimes i think i have died and gone to my own personal hell. The repetition, the helplessness, the mental torture of not being able to change something i will regret later
     
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