Oh...my...god... (Long)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Cytrix, Oct 16, 2016.

  1. Cytrix

    Cytrix Active Member

    Okay, it's been a while since I've last rambled here so I could go out into the world once more and try to make it, something. However, a week ago, I've got my soul crushed once more. Facing yet again the curse where I gain momentum in what I'm doing in life, but one thing happens and it's all gone by a wind's blow.

    I've just crossed the 3-month mark of my job currently, yay, which makes it officially the 2nd longest tenured job in my resume behind the 10-month tenured job I first had 4 years ago. Though, it's at risk and I'll get to that in a moment.

    What I'll get to, is the shining gem in the form of a polished turd that shined Monday night, this past week. My last thread here was when I was worried sick about losing my love interest to someone who was looking to take him for himself, yes? Well...that actually happened, but not in the way I had expected.

    Because since the events of that thread, it turns out the guy who I thought was going to pick up my love interest. Turns out to reveal himself as someone who loves my interest in a family-way, you know how you'd watch out and protect your sibling from harm if things go wrong. That kind and I totally understood and accepted that. So that was relieving. BUT, as it turns out, I've noticed a change of tone towards the first week of October. My interest and I were demoting our nicknames from cutesy ones to simplifying it down to "Hun".

    That and things slowed down to the point where talking was spacious. Now I had asked him if things were lightening up between us and he admitted "No". Okay, fine. This past week he had his ex-mate visit him for the whole week which honestly didn't make sense and I'll tell you why. It didn't make sense to me because his ex mate was abusive and stalk-like, didn't allow my SO to grow as a being.

    But my SO didn't want to feel bad turning him down because it was a plan that started 7 months ago. Which didn't even make MORE sense because they broke up Mid-September annnd here it is October and his ex didn't order the tickets until a week after they've broken up which would've made it the 3rd week into September. Do you see the problem in this? Because I do. Why would you allow someone mentally abusive to come visit you and why would you feel guilty turning him down? I...don't get it but moving on...

    So, noticing the slow down and kindly shrugging it off. I proceeded to try my best for this SO. I've spent over $47 on gifts for him, things I think he'd like. 2 of them were art commissions while the other 2 were games because he's a game streamer who aspires to entertain people, so he probably has two more things he can play and showcase to people. I also supported his Twitch channel, donated $15 to that, because I believed what he was doing for himself and for others.

    This all proved to be a huge waste because, the mystery as to why we were slowing down was eating at me. I decided to randomly check his Second Life profile and the answer was right infront of me. Turns out, he took up someone else. Without telling me. Not a hint. Not a clue.

    Upon this discovery, I was devastated and insulted. Devastated because here was this individual who I was building 4 months of intimacy with, supporting and loving. Meanwhile, he picks up someone who had known not longer than 2 and a half weeks. Noting that him and I knew eachother for a year with the additional 4 months we decided to open up to eachother. He didn't even start dating this guy until the 2nd week, again...no word to me.

    I've confronted him about this and right off the bat he was immediately admitting everything he did was wrong. Everything he had told me he wanted to be better with for himself was gone in this one 2-hour discussion I've had with him. I got told everything you'd expect to be told when you catch someone red-handed, you know? He became a defeatist that knew what he had done.

    I never forgave him, he apologized twice and I never forgave him twice. But he added himself to the long list of people I've had in my life. Seemingly good people I've come across with who only came to me for brief periods because I was nothing but a tool to them. It pities me still that he had to be the one to be the subject of the belittlement and ridicule I gave him. After so many years of letting myself get walked over and letting my compassion let people get away with more than they should.

    I knew he had no defense to explain himself, I've given him an open opportunity to until I decided last night that I was going to take that away from him. I told him beforehand that once his ex was gone from him, to please talk to me at will so we can properly deal with this than last time. Turns out, he decided to go back to doing his daily routines and was more concerned about his streaming. Hm...

    Yeah, nice to know that I'm shelved that way and people wonder why I'm so reluctant to trust others. People wonder why I'm vile, I'm venomous and irrational. It's because those problematic people helped ease me there if it wasn't just the dumb mistakes I've made in life that made the course. Little did he know, I might've accepted what he had done if he'd just talk about it to me, but he was so concerned on making his ex's visit comfortable for him to care. That's more salt to the wound is the whole having his ex over trip. An ex who didn't even DESERVE to be with him from what I know that he's done.

    Hermit life...it's coming...