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Oh My GOD. Someone help.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bagpuss18, Aug 24, 2008.


Is it worth me carrying on?

Poll closed Sep 7, 2008.
  1. Yes

    0 vote(s)
  2. No

    0 vote(s)
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  1. Bagpuss18

    Bagpuss18 Well-Known Member

    Basically I have like suspected schizophrenia, but the doctors keep ignoring it. My support worker and me are trying everything to get them to listen but they just wont. Ive made four suicide attempts because of the voices and hallucinations etc; and still they ignore my need for urgent medical help. I feel like everyone's given up on me; even my GP told me there was nothing else he could do for me last time I saw him. So now I'm terrified of going back to the doctors because it hurts me so bad to be told I'm being given up on. I can't believe they're being so negligent! I'm really seriously unwell. I'm so scared of what I'm going to do to myself if they dont help me soon. I have got to the point where I feel like everyone bar my support worker have given up on me; and I'm really scared and concerned that even she's starting to give up on me. People are so fed up of me that they just dont want to help anymore. But its so simple! If the doctors just listen, it would all be fine. They've referred me to an eating disorder clinic and think that that's going to solve everything. It wont. Eating disorders are not schizophrenia. Idiot medics. I am feeling so suicidal tonight, because I just have reached the end of my coping abilities. I can't go on like this anymore, and I've never meant that more than this. I've never felt so strongly that way before. This is honestly the worst situation that I've ever been in and the worst I've ever felt. I don't know who to turn to anymore; what to do; how to cope. I feel completely alone. I can't COPE anymore. I really can't. Its just way way waaaaaaaay too much now. I can't handle it. I can't deal with it. And I'm all alone. I really dont want to die, but it feels like there's no alternative. I have tried absolutely everything. Its the end of the road for me and I just cannot COPE anymore. I feel like my head is breaking down. I feel so unwell mentally, and out of control of myself. I'm hurting myself so much and the schizophrenic symptoms are ruining my life, and making me try to end it, when I'm not actually suicidal, just being controlled by voices or hallucinations, or things in my head, which aren't me. What do I do? Do I turn up at A + E and ask to be seen and see if they'll listen? The thing is though, I've completely lost my faith in doctors now and I would NOT handle another one turning me away without help; without them taking my mental health problems seriously. Please someone help; I feel like my life is over. I'm dieing inside. I have honestly never felt worse - and I've felt pretty bad. I can't express to you, or communicate to you enough by any means at all, how strongly I feel about this right now. My life is over. And its so simple what they could do to change things for me, but I am not in control of them. They hold my life in their hands, and they just buried me already. Guys on SF - I'm relying on you not to give up on me when everyone else has. Even I have given up on me now. The doctors are like "yeah, you're going to be like this forever; nothing we can do about it; can't be bothered; she ain't got it in her; next patient please." I can't believe in myself when the vital people dont. No one wants to help me anymore, as I've been ill so long. But I want help so much. I'm just being ignored, which could lead to my death at age 18. Doctors are meant to have a passion for saving lives aren't they? Or am I just so worthless that even my life doesn't count as the rest of the human races' lives do. Even to doctors. I hate me.
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Bagpuss. I can really feel the pain in your post. I'm sorry that the doctors won't listen to you about your possible scizophrenia. Doctors are supposed to help you, but they're really in it for the money. Please don't harm yourself. Don't let the voices and hallucinations control your life. Only you are in control of your life. Take it back from them. Please stay safe. :hug:
  3. BaZz

    BaZz Member

    You know I think I am starting to develop this lately also I have been hitting and yelling at myself like crazy lately I am really going nuts.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello BP,
    I am sorry that know one is listening to you! I suggest you go back to these doctors and request copies of your records. I don't know what A&E is? I'm guessing it is an organization who deal with mental illness?
    Once you get your records try to get a letter from your therapist to go along with the records. Once you have everything including any suicide notes you have written, then go to A&E and let them read everything. Try that and see if it helps!!Take Care!!:chopper:!!
  5. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Wow, I'm really sorry for how you're being treated bagpuss. We won't give up on you, no way. I know what you're saying about doctors, sometimes you think the only way they're going to realise is if something terrible happens. But please keep going, you're only 18 and you've got so much left to live for. If you feel like you're going to hurt yourself, go to the hospital, tell them how desperate you feel. I'm really sorry you're going through such a hard time. Something in your post tells me that you do want to live, even though you just don't think you can because you feel so overwhelmed. So please try and hold on, just give it one more day. And hopefully you'll get the help you need as well.

    (Stranger 1- a+e is the ER)
  6. Melmoth the Wanderer

    Melmoth the Wanderer Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry the doctors aren't listening to you.

    I have to say I wouldn't recommend the A+E. I've read that they're less sensitive to our kind of problems in general. I could be mistaken, however.

    I'm wondering if you're experiencing psychotic depression instead of schizophrenia? Your writing is clearer and more coherent than one would expect with a schizophrenic. For example, you wrote about one subject: your frustration with the way doctors are treating you. A schizophrenic's writing would be much harder to follow and would likely touch upon many loosely connected topics.

    But I'm not an expert, and of course, you know yourself better than I do. It may help convince the doctors, though, if you have concrete information backing you up. Here's some basic info on psychotic depression and schizophrenia:


    I hope you keep trying. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. :hug:
  7. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    i am in wales too. have you tried an advocate from mind, they are a kick arse organisation and an advocate can really fight your corner whilst knowing all the loopholes. i really recommend them. not sure what part of wales you are in but feel free to pm me

    sam x
  8. Bagpuss18

    Bagpuss18 Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys. *hugs everyone*

    I looked at those links, and I think schizophrenia fits. The symptoms match. Psychotic depression doesnt really. But thanks loads - I really appreciate that.

    Label or no label, something's not right and I need help. That much is obvious.

    Hmmm... Maybe I could chase MIND again... *wonders*

    Thanks for the support guys; I'll keep you updated. As you can tell I'm a lot more calmer now. But yeah, writing is one thing I feel comfortable with; and I honestly felt very disjointed last night; so to me, knowing my usual writing style, that does seem weirdly badly written. For me anyway. Thanks.


    x x x x
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