Oh No!!!!!!!trigger

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Lady Byron, Aug 20, 2006.

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  1. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    Oh my freaking GOD!! I can't believe that I CUT... but it's not really that I cut that's the problem... I cut yesterday and then I cut today... actually the problem is that it's not even a little cut, it's a HUGE SLICE!!!! I didn't mean to, I just took the razor and started at the inside of my arm (where the back of the elbow is???) and just went right down to my wrist... Like that's not noticeable. I don't even know why I did it. I was bored and then I started to shake really bad... I was having a nervous breakdown actually. I was at a playground and I know that this guy saw me cut, but I just needed to cut to get me to stop shaking. It scared the crap out of me. I didn't even have anything to clean my cut out with. I was at a playground across the street from my Grandma's. It's not like I could just go in with blood dripping everywhere and be like, "Grandma, I just sliced the shit out of my arm. Do you have any peroxide or something??" Everyone would have freaked out! So instead I do a super smart thing and take my waterbottle and pour cold water all over the cut. It stopped the burning after a few seconds. It worked for being at a playground. Oh, but there were no kids around. If there would have been, I would have gone into my dad's truck. But yeah, everyone saw it and freaked. I said I fell out of a tree. I think my mom is getting suspicious though. Urgh... This sucks. My arm hurts. But I guess that's what I get for being so stupid.... Ciao.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you felt compelled to cut. Do you know what brought the feeling on? I hope you are healing well. Talk to someone about it if you can. I know it is not an easy thing to share with others. Outside of the people here, I haven't been able to, but I wish I could. Take care. :hug:
  3. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    Wow! You sound so much like me. I get bored, my mind starts to wonder and think stupid things. I even start to shake, my stomach starts to turn knots, and it's the worst feeling. All you want is for it to go away. At the time it seems there is no better solution than to get your mind off the thoughts and feelings (even if it's thoughts of boredom) so mindlessly we cut. I've been cut free for 3 1/2 months now but I'm starting to feel like I need to cut again. I was just sitting here thinking about cutting much the same way you did just to see how much blood would exit the wound. Luckly I'm at work and I wouldn't have a good excuse (oh, I cut it on the mouse....yeah right). So at the moment that is keeping me from cutting.

    I hope that next time maybe if you start to feel like you are going to start shaking and getting bored, go someplace public....where there are more people. Force yourself to get involved with people someway.
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