Oh No..

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Invisible-Loner, Jul 22, 2009.

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  1. So my mom saw the scars on my arm and she was MAD. She said why are you doing that? You have no problems you arrogant child. First of all I DO have problems, otherwise I would not do that! Second of all how the heck am I arrogant? My self- esteem is lower than ever. No one notices me, they say I'm quiet and stuff kick, hit and bullying me at school . I know I'm quiet but after a while, it starts to hurt when you say it every 5 seconds. :/ My mom said stop making talking look so hard, you're just lazy. I never heard of a laziness like that before, have you? I diagnosed myself with Social Anxiety, and Depression. My mom laughed and said it was CUTE. What the hell? How the hell is that cute, ever?!

    I was crying during the school year and my mom turned on the light. She ran over to my dad and said , "look your daughter is crying!" and started to laugh. So I went in the bathroom and she said," you're just going to cry more?" and started to laugh. Everything flooded over me when she said that. Being bullied at school, being noticed by no one, unless they were making fun of me, molestation when I was 8, being bullied by my mom, when I was 6 my dad said he hated me when he thought I wasn't listening.

    I had a horrible mental breakdown, I stated crying and got in this fetal position, and was actually rocking back and forth. She was still yelling. I dissociated myself but the only thing I can remember was her saying:
    "you're going to be one of those stupid suicidial people who kill themselves because they're so damn crazy! Go to hell I don't care." Then she started talking about me with my dad, saying I'm so arrogant. Where did that come from?!

    Well the only one who cares is my dog, he stayed with me the whole time, licking my face, crying when I cried, laying beside me staring at me with those sad puppy eyes, when I was with him, I realized something. He's the only one who cares about me truly in my family, he's my family, I couldn't bear a day without him.

    I'm crying as I type, I need help seriously. I think about what she said at lest twice a day, I dream about every night, or it appears in a dream I have. I'll die the day my dog Bandit does, because then I would have no will.

    Thank you.
  2. grinded serenity

    grinded serenity Well-Known Member

    thats terrable! your mother and father dont seem to help your situation at all, only make it worse. have you thought about talking to a school counselor? it really helps to get some thigns out onto the table, even if its with someone you barely know. Bandit sounds like a good dog :) and you sound like a good person who got a VERY bad wrap up in life. it doesnt sound like you deserved anything she said, it sounds more to melike shes a completely irresponsibal mother. i know the feeling, and it hurts a hell of alot.

    if you EVER need somebody to talk to, im ALWAYS here for ya. feel free to PM me, i can give you my MSN or AIM and we can talk about something or anything. stay strong hun! you might not think so but i KNOW your worth a hell of alot more than your putting yourself up to be.
  3. Ravon

    Ravon Member

    Dogs are great, aren't they? They don't judge, they just love.

    Anyway, I've only been here a few days, but I've seen some good advice from people who care and listen, I think because they know what its like to be depressed and live with people who don't make any effort to understand. I know what it's like, too. Parents think you should just suck it up and deal with it, after all you're just a kid and they think you don't know what real problems are. But what a lot of people don't understand is that the emotional pain from depression can be just as crippling as the pain from any other injury; sometimes worse, because emotional pain is harder to heal. To misuse a quote by Will Smith, Parents Just Don't Understand.

    Anyway, I just wanted to say that I understand and I feel for you.
  4. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    that sucks. my mum acted the same way when she found out about myself harm. after a major argument she said she freaked cuz im her first, and the only one who hadnt left her yet. but then i moved out. i dont know if thats an option for you, but your mum is probably shitting herself about this. to me self harm is a coping thing, its not suicide. probs best not to say that to your mum though. be strong.
  5. Thanks guys. :) Dog are pretty great. I made up this huge lie about tripping over Bandit, falling outside and she bought it. Thank you God! She was going to put me in a rehab. D: Because she said, "I don't have time for a child with problems." :/ I feel so confused at times.
  6. QuadLazer

    QuadLazer Well-Known Member

    I agree with grinded serenity you're mom sounds like an ass. Whatever is happening to you at school should be fixed. Talk to your counselor or even the principal or whoever to get it fixed because no one needs that stuff. I'm really sorry to hear this and it sounds like you're having a rough time, but just do what you have to do.

    Just out of curiosity, what kinda dog is Bandit?
  7. Toki Wartooth Lover

    Toki Wartooth Lover Well-Known Member

    My so called "parents" have never supported me. They saw the scars all over my body, because people in my grade 8 gym class told the teacher than I had scars on my back. But, the teacher had turned me over (Note I did not have a shirt on, cause that's when they told the teacher) and saw that I have scares on my wrist, arms, chest area, stomach and a few on my neck, she called the cops and then my parents.

    My parents gave me a knife and said "Finish it off, right now, go on, finish your self off". I have Clinical Depression, ADHD, Bi-Polarity and a few others. I've never truly had people to trust or talk to.

    Crying as you type, that is true. I cry as I type.. all most ever time I'm typing. Most people don't understand that.
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