Oh so many

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Nooneworthknowing, Mar 20, 2012.

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  1. Nooneworthknowing

    Nooneworthknowing New Member

    I see so many different people on here and they all have a myriad of reasons for wanting to end their lives. Many of these are poor reasons - the old "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" kind of thing. Some of them are such that suicide seems justifiable - even if alternate solutions also seem to exist. When you are suicidal there is a blanket of depression that drapes over you that blinds you to everything around you. You can't see solutions. You can't even see hope. All you can see is a black chasm. I have been fighting against ending my life for over 2 years now. I keep hoping for hope - for a good reason to keep on going. I have often suffered a failure of hope and have on those occasions tried to kill myself. Like many (I think) I tried reaching out to family but all they said was "well you need to talk to someone". This was richly ironic since I tried to talk to someone. I tried to talk to them.

    Too often when a person reaches the depths of despair the people they reach out to for help are the exact same people who want them to get help - but who also shy away from being the person to give it. They see suicidal depression as an illness - which indeed it probably is - but it's a special kind of illness that comes from more stress and depression than the mind and body's natural defenses can withstand. If a long distance runner runs longer than his body can stand he is not treated as if he is a leper or somehow inadequate. It is no different with depression. Nobody wants to be depressed. Nobody wants to be suicidal. It's not our legs that give out though it is our hearts and our minds.

    About two months ago I came extremely close to being free of all this terrible pain (anyone who has truly been down the same road knows just how painful it becomes just to live and face each day). I was gone except for my instinct taking over. Since then I have tried to convince myself that living was part of a larger plan. But I am again getting to a point where I can see that there was no "plan." There was only the natural fight for survival that the lowest worm experiences when faced with its ultimate mortality.

    For all of you that suffer, I am genuinely sorry for you. For all of you that suffer and truly see no other way out, I pray that God eases your path. For all of you that have another way out - please at least try and find it before you commit to so serious a plan as death.
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    That is a very well worded post.
    Regarding plans, I think those are something that each of us must make for ourselves. Plans don't always work out, so we should all always know that in advance and have alternative or backup plans as well. Plans should be positive and far reaching. They should offer hope and even if difficult to attain, where there is a will there is a way. I hope all find that will and go that way.
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    I agree with pwa - and would say you are someone well worth the knowing! You describe the suicidal situation so accurately, and in the fight against ending life, I know what that good reason is in a nutshell - but I cannot just write the nutshell down, because it sounds glib and facile. However, perhaps it still does just need to be said - like all the other glib little phrases we meet in life, (such as "If it feels good, do it" etc.) The good reason to keep on going is, that you are needed. God needs you, even when it would appear that no human being does.

    Suicidal people may find this hard to accept. And I think that this is the root of the problem. As Jesus said "Lay the axe to the root of the tree" - it's no good chopping the tree down above the ground, if an unwanted tree has grown - we need to take it out by the roots - meaning those things that hold us in the ground of our mis-beliefs. Mis-beliefs war against all our deep survival instincts.

    I am so glad to hear that you did not follow through - your living is certainly part of a larger plan. I cannot explain this in a nutshell, only to say that nearly 30 years before my attempt, I had a premonition about suicide - that it would be part of my journey.....with the premonition came the number 24 (I could see it internally - I know this sounds weird, but the metaphysical does exist)....... I forgot the premonition as something I could not possibly understand (not even realising what it was) - but then, when getting better from my attempt - I remembered it again, and was amazed at the relevance of the number 24 (it had to do with the reason I attempted - long story). The natural fight for survival is a part of "the plan", absolutely - there is one to be discovered :smile:
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