Oh what's the bloody point?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Malcontent, Jan 1, 2007.

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  1. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    Well 2007 has began just as crappy as 2006. I woke up all optimistic this morning, that didn't last long. My life is hopeless. I'm fucking up again, although if it's possible to ruin something that's already completely screwed up I don't know. I'm sure I can try. I just want to die. I'm in love with a woman who all the guys want. How I supposed to compete with that? I'm a short, ill-educated, poor, under-confident little shit. Who would ever want that? I hate myself so fucking much. Why the hell did I start talking to anyone again, I'm doing the world a favour by isolating myself. I just hurt people.
  2. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Even if that is true...which I doubt Mal, some woman actually look past appearances...Its hellishly rare, but it does happen. Dont be too hard on yourself, you might be surprised at the results. If shes worth being with, she'll look past your imperfections and find a really nice person underneath.
  3. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    She is worth it, she's worth way more than me. And if I really loved her I'd leave her alone and stop making her feel bad :bash:
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Mal, I wish so much that I could reassure you. You are every bit as worthy of this girl as everyone else. Please do not beat yourself up for what you feel you don't have. There are so many things you do have. Allow yourself to see these instead. I am glad you are talking again. I don't want you to isolate yourself anymore. Please continue to share your thoughts, feelings, and opinions with us. Take our hands and let us help to lead you through whatever part of the journey is bumpy. You are a fantastic person, Mal. I respect you a great deal. Please take care. :hug:
  5. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    :cry: but I wanna share my feelings with her, it's all I've ever wanted to do. I've been starting at my phone for hours trying to get up the courage to call her and just tell her I love her. But I can't cos I don't wanna hurt her. It's better if I keep it all inside, then at least I'm the only one who's hurt. I ruined her life and she'd be better off if I just died quietly
  6. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Why do you think you've 'ruined her life', as if it had already been done?:blink: Unless this woman has made it very clear to you to stay away then you have as much right as anyone to approach her with your feelings. As for the women who look past the surface, we're not all that rare, really.:wink: I've never been all that attracted by the drop-dead-gorgeous guys as too many of them are conceited and useless.:dry: Never mind the looks, I want a man who'll listen to me, laugh and cry with me, and love me no matter what - for better or worse.:smile: If this woman for whom you have these intense feelings is worth her salt she'll accept you for who you are in your soul, not for your outward appearance. And if she's only in it for what can be done for her, then she's not worth your time or effort. True love is patient and kind, forgives easily and doesn't hold a grudge. I think you're selling yourself short. Cut yourself some slack and be kinder to yourself - you're worth our kindness so you're worth your own kindness!:smile: :smile:

    love ya Mal, xoxoxox

  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I agree with least, Mal. Unless she has told you she wants nothing to do with you, you are not hurting her if you contact her. I think you should pick up the phone and tell her what you are feeling. You may actually flatter her and make her feel good to known that someone has taken the time to love them and let them know. I think if you were to take your own life and go quietly as you said would hurt her much more than sharing your true feelings with her. You are worth every bit of kindness you recieve hun, and so much more. If I were in her shoes, I would want to know how you felt. I could then have the choice to decide where I wanted this to go. You are taking the choice away from her. Give her a chance. She may just feel the same way and is too afraid to tell you. :hug:
  8. Maxii..

    Maxii.. Well-Known Member

    love.. sucks..
    thats whe way i see it..
    in the begining everything's pink.. and you love everything.. and you enjoy every second of the day..
    and then.. out of nowhere.. there are fears.. there are doubts.. and etc..
    don't tell me im wrong.. 'cause at least in this one.. im not..
    she might seem like everythink right now.. and you might think that you will never be happy without her.. but.. guess what.. you can..
    i used to love a girl so much.. that i stoped paying attention to my friends.. yo became closer to hers.. i started cutting my arms.. sometimes i just couldn't stand up from my chair 'cause it was just pointless..
    then i felt in love with another girl.. who actually liked me.. she made me happy for about 45 days.. (then everything got fucked up.. :p but thats another story..) i got closer to that other girl that had made me suffer so bad.. and she turned out to be a total bitch..

    you can always change your way to see the world.. i don't love her.. anyone on this forum loves her.. most people in the world don't love her..
    you can be one of us.. you can see the world in a million diferent ways.. in at least on of them.. you don't love her..

    good luck..
  9. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    Oh believe me I've tried not to love her. But I can't. It's hopeless
  10. Multiple Man

    Multiple Man Well-Known Member

    We always want the one we cant have. Even for the most attractive people out there. I remember the last time I told a girl how I felt about her. We were close friends. She was sweet, and really down to earth. Thats what I admired most about her. She always complimented me everyday in school. Saying I was the nicest guy in the world and always made her laugh. She even complained once telling me why she could never find a guy as nice as me. That stunned me at the time and encouraged me to tell her how I felt. And I did. And....She laughed in my face. And told me I was not really for her. At the time i was normal sized, dress nice, clean cut. But Im probably one of the ugliest men on earth facially. No matter who I am on the inside, noone can ever see past the flesh. Unless of course, the cover of the book is appealling.
  11. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Mal hun..I've been out with the drop dead gorgeous right down to the (well not to gild the lily) why would you look at him twice!!

    Looks might attract but they don't hold you to a person, as Least said give me a man who can make me laugh, has integrity, decency, cares how I feel (and of course loves animals).

    You may be selling this poor girl short. You're making all the decisions about what she's thinking, feeling and what her feelings are for you. How about actually letting her make the decision?

    If, as you fear, she doesn't want you, at least you'll know once and for all and have only that to deal with; rather than the terrible hope that can turn your guts inside out and freezes up your life.

    Should the worse happen, you've at least given it your best shot and we will all rally round to try to give as much comfort as we possibly can. :hug: :hug: :hug:
  12. bipolarkitty

    bipolarkitty Well-Known Member

    I agree with Devastated, Mal. I've never been the kind of woman who put too much stock in appearances. That's only the surface. It's what's inside a person's heart that counts. Personally, if a guy makes me laugh, then I'm a goner, lol. He's got me. That's one of the most attractive things about my husband.

    Give her a chance to tell you how she feels. She may have no idea how you're feeling.

    I know that's scary, to open yourself up and feel so vulnerable, but it's kind of like a splinter. It hurts like a bitch when it's stuck in your finger, and hurts to pull it out, but afterward, it feels better. (please don't think I'm making light of the situation, I'm not - just trying to find an analogy :rolleyes: )

    Anyway, I say go for it. Tell her how you feel. She may not be the one for you, but then again, you may just find something fantastic in a world sorely lacking in the fantastic. :smile:

    We're all here for you, no matter what happens. :hug:
  13. :( Mal, im sorry for whats going on, wish i could cuddle you lots and lots..

    I agree with biploarkitty, tell her how you feel.. its worth a shot? :hug:

    Take care yourself and you're NOT a worthless shit.. you're such a wonderful guy.
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