I try to make friends to overcome this debilitating loneliness... ...but all I find are idiots that use me for their own selfish reasons. People who get off on making me feel like dirt. People who enjoy the fact that I am a complete loser and a waster, because it bigs up their ego and their self image. I make them feel better about themselves, so they keep me around. Oh lucky them. At least I'm useful for something. I try to make friends to overcome this debilitating loneliness... ...but how can you be friends with someone who constantly has good news and good things happening for them, and then comes to you - their friend - to report this good news and yet you cannot feel happy for them? All you feel is bitter envy that makes your blood boil and your skin fry. I cannot stand to be around you because WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN! WHEN DO I GET TO HAVE GOOD NEWS? WHEN DO I GET TO SKIP AND SMILE AND LAUGH AND SING BECAUSE SOMETHING WENT MY WAY? WHEN DO I GET TO REPORT BACK TO YOU ABOUT THAT ALL EH? I try to accept I f*cked up my schooling and my career, and do something about it... ...okay let's apply to college. Access to Nursing. Oh wait! Oops. You failed the compulsary maths entry exam. Take the numeracy course and then join us on Access to Nursing for the February entry. Okay I can deal with that. So - I try to accept I cannot get onto this course and go in for the numeracy course... ...Oh but wait. You just queued for 3 hours to enrol, only to find the course is full. Ho hum. You're back at square one. Oh well. So what now!? I try to lose weight to improve my health, my body image, my BDD, how I feel about myself... ...I hit the gym, it makes me ache. I do it every so often but I just can't keep it up. I try to eat less to counter the fact I'm not exercising enough... ...it just so happens food is all I have. The bane of my existence is the one thing that gives me pleasure. So I eat, and I eat and I keep eating, and I gain even more weight. I try to get a boyfriend because although I'm not exactly the biggest catch. I'm hopeful someone out there will realise I do have some good points somewhere - and will maybe help me see them too... ...but I can't get a boyfriend, because no guy in his right mind wants to date a fat chick. A friendless, jobless, career-less, fat chick who lives at home with her mother and appears to be doing nothing about her situation. Tell me again, why I should live?