Oh yes, let's all stay and fight to live. Because we have so much going for us...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Aurora Gory Alice, Sep 16, 2009.

  1. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I try to make friends to overcome this debilitating loneliness...

    ...but all I find are idiots that use me for their own selfish reasons. People who get off on making me feel like dirt. People who enjoy the fact that I am a complete loser and a waster, because it bigs up their ego and their self image. I make them feel better about themselves, so they keep me around. Oh lucky them. At least I'm useful for something.

    I try to make friends to overcome this debilitating loneliness...

    ...but how can you be friends with someone who constantly has good news and good things happening for them, and then comes to you - their friend - to report this good news and yet you cannot feel happy for them? All you feel is bitter envy that makes your blood boil and your skin fry. I cannot stand to be around you because WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN! WHEN DO I GET TO HAVE GOOD NEWS? WHEN DO I GET TO SKIP AND SMILE AND LAUGH AND SING BECAUSE SOMETHING WENT MY WAY? WHEN DO I GET TO REPORT BACK TO YOU ABOUT THAT ALL EH?

    I try to accept I f*cked up my schooling and my career, and do something about it...

    ...okay let's apply to college. Access to Nursing. Oh wait! Oops. You failed the compulsary maths entry exam. Take the numeracy course and then join us on Access to Nursing for the February entry.

    Okay I can deal with that. So - I try to accept I cannot get onto this course and go in for the numeracy course...

    ...Oh but wait. You just queued for 3 hours to enrol, only to find the course is full. Ho hum. You're back at square one. Oh well.

    So what now!?

    I try to lose weight to improve my health, my body image, my BDD, how I feel about myself...

    ...I hit the gym, it makes me ache. I do it every so often but I just can't keep it up.

    I try to eat less to counter the fact I'm not exercising enough...

    ...it just so happens food is all I have. The bane of my existence is the one thing that gives me pleasure. So I eat, and I eat and I keep eating, and I gain even more weight.

    I try to get a boyfriend because although I'm not exactly the biggest catch. I'm hopeful someone out there will realise I do have some good points somewhere - and will maybe help me see them too...

    ...but I can't get a boyfriend, because no guy in his right mind wants to date a fat chick.

    A friendless, jobless, career-less, fat chick who lives at home with her mother and appears to be doing nothing about her situation.

    Tell me again, why I should live?
  2. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    why you should live? because your chance will come. studying can replace the numeracy course. you shouldnt have to change who you are.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You should live because you do have alot of kindness and compassion to give to others. If your need help getting into the college courses go to councillor at the school and talk with them. Go to suppot services and talk with them there they will help you fill out forms and get you the support you need to succeed in college. Get help don't try to do it on your own too overwhelming. Support staff at the collegue are there for that to help you take care and please know i do believe you would make a great nurse because you do care.
  4. suzy

    suzy Well-Known Member

    hi linds83

    i dont know why you should live....

    for each person its different and i dont feel i know enough about you by just reading things you (or i) write

    What i want to write is that ..... the things you didnt write and the things the people who know you didnt write. You sound like someone who listens to their friends who really want to share the ups and downs of your lives... (that ability you wish some guy would see)

    I dont know what i would hear if i asked around. I think your friends dont know how you really feel. Somehow i think you hide your feelings well. you also sound generous to those around you.

    i want to send you a hug. this just isnt your only set of feelings i could read... but its what you wrote... so i thought.... well, there must be more that was left out... and you will someday say that most important thing. and maybe a friend will be there; maybe one of us.

    hugs suzy
  5. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy


    like i said before we are soo close in common. i have one friend in real life but it's nothing too speical. i mean we hang out and all but she is engaged so i'm number two. which i don't mind but its lonley.

    soon i will also be applying to college. as you know the medical field is very hard to get into. i want to be a veterinarian but feel my highschool perfomance will shatter that. i'm scared to apply to only get rejected.

    your boyfriend will come. besides, they only cause pain and horrible memories when you break up. i still can't get over my ex. he just likes to throw in my face that he is happy, without me.

    so maybe you are "fat" why don't you eat better or go to a nutrionist. they can help you eat right.

    and if you think that being fat will get you a boyfriend your wrong. as long as you dress like a slut, then you will get a boyfriend. which is so fucking annoying cause i am so conservative with my body.

    i don't know why you shouldn't die. the only thing i can really say as to not be a hypocrit would be because i don't want to see you go through what i have. let me and my fucked upness be an inspiration for you to live.

    if you ever need anything feel free to pm me.