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Ok enough! I lose!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Marathon-Running-Bunny, Jun 24, 2014.

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  1. Many things have been going on these few months and years. Frankly speaking, I have been holding on for so long and being mentally strong for myself and others. These few nights have been my worst. I have been uncontrollably breaking down into million of pieces and have been sobbing until I feel totally exhausted and fell asleep. I have been seeing a psychologist recently and haven't had the courage to tell her I have been secretly and silently planning for my expiry. I am scared I will not be able to control and hold on any longer. People will tell me to hold on or go get myself admitted into the hospital for safety. Comeon, I am also a human being and I have my ups and downs too. I am okay in the daytime and this depressive episode only affects me at night. Guess, I need to pluck up some courage to ask to see a psychiatrist and see what he can do to help me. I hoped it's not Valium again. I am allergic to it.

    Typing a bit hard to read cos I am typing on my phone and my eyes are so full of tears until I cannot see what I typed clearly. I go locked my windows.
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi m-a - sorry that you are having a bad time atm - your sig. says that you are training as a psych/counsellor yourself - what would you advice a client who came to you for help with these symptoms? I think you do need to speak about your thoughts and feelings with your P.Doc, because otherwise, how can they prescribe the right treatment for you if they do not know or have to guess that you may be keeping stuff from them?
  3. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Thoughts always seem worse at night, the days events are over and your mind is slowly winding down processing what has happened throughout the day. Often this is when we are at our most vulnerable as things can seem so overwhelming, and you say you have been holding on for others. It is enough weight to carry our own burdens sometimes we need to take a mental deep breathe and focus on ourselves, it is not selfish it is doing all we can to keep ourselves safe and understanding how we feel.

    Go speak to your psychiatrist explain you are allergic, and talk through your options I think you've admitted you need to and it is terrifying, I just truly hope you start to feel better soon..

    Take care

  4. BipolarOne

    BipolarOne Active Member

    Feeling worse at night is common to me. Every night I feel just awful, and get SI thoughts. But I do talk about my thoughts and plans with my therapist. It is best to very open and honest in therapy. My therapist really helps me through my roughest times, and helps me stay out of the hospital, most of the time.

    Realizing that thoughts will always plague us is half the battle. You can talk them out, write about them. Just work really hard to not act on your negative thoughts. Continue to post here, and making an appointment to see a Pdoc to discuss medications is a good idea. Usually, a doctor will work with you and allow you to participate in the decision process about medications. Be sure to let the doctor know about allergies to medications so the best choices can be made.

    I hope you will get over this rough spot really soon. I have also had many ups and downs. It can be very frustrating. Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can so you don't become so overwhelmed. This seems to help me.

    Take care. Viv.
  5. I am afraid my parents will overreact if my psychologist tell them about my thoughts and how near I was to completing those thoughts. I didn't want a full month of resort stay in a mental ward or institute again. I don't know what to do except waiting for daylight and I will not be so depressed again. I have resorted to switching on the lights and make my bedroom as bright as possible at night. My next appointment with my psychologist is 22nd of July.
  6. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    I would have thought that there would be confidentiality between you and your psychologist m-a? That he would not tell your parents because what goes on between you in counselling sessions has to remain confidential? Does this not apply in Singapore?

    Good plan to sleep with the lights on - very good plan! :)
  7. My psychologist said to me the other day.. She will make judgement call if I were to tell her I am suicidal.. She need to break the code of confidentiality if she thinks that I will harm myself.. :(
  8. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Would you have the funds to pay an overseas counsellor for advice/insights - either by Skype or telephone? You would be able to tell them EXACTLY how you are feeling and what you are thinking, without fear of your parents finding out. I can PM you details of such if you would like :)
  9. I have sent an email to the peer to peer support group for depressive groups in singapore. I am waiting for their reply. Thank you for your reply when I needed emotional support. :hug:
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