First of all, I don't want to commit suicide. Second, I feel like there's no other option left. Let me tell you about it. I've thought about suicide for a long time. I've never took any action directly but I've had self-destructive behaviors like smoking too much or getting drunk. It didn't actually helped me. I have bi-polar tendencies and I tend to be always depressed. That's funny, as I make a lot of money as a marketer but I don't enjoy them anymore. I live in a luxury flat ... and it brings me no joy. Tonight, my past girlfriend told me a few things ... that she shouldn't. In other words, she told me everything in her power to hurt me. And she was smiling too. Well, I guess that's human nature. But now I feel dispair. I was on the brink for some time. I contemplated cutting myself, just to see how it bleeds (never tried it) for hours and now ... I want to do something. I've thought about moving out of the country ... or running ... or doing something, but I feel like this is a never-ending nightmare. Since last year in March - May, I couldn't say I was happy. I always fought for something (money, love, whatever) got it, lost it, back in depression. I've took some 5-HTC but it didn't helped me much. So ... I don't know what to do. I'd rather end it now instead of more happening. I don't care a lot about what other will think (and of course, the sadness this will bring to them) as they didn't seem to care too much. Actually, from tens of friends, I have no one to talk with about it. And ... a sin to God ... God would want me to be happy, not to go through this nightmare again and again. I don't know ... I know that there are poor people, living in worst conditions that are happy and consider life a blessing. But no matter how stoic I'm trying to be ... or how logical I'm trying to approach it, my only instinct is to end it now, to <Mod : Inmemoryofyou:methods> I've tried to make things better, I gave my best, I put everything on the line and it didn't. It only got worse. So why, why even bother? I know that right now I might look like someone who needs attention, but this is a genuine question - why? At least, I want to try something - to inflict some self-harm maybe this will give me an adrenaline boost and my brain will say "stupid - what are you doing ... stop that ... let's change this". Maybe I need to harm myself in order to recover? What do you think about that?