ok here goes...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dreaming_star, Nov 29, 2007.

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  1. dreaming_star

    dreaming_star Member

    so this is my first post....i dont know where to start...today has been worse than any other day, its nothing like anything iv felt before.iv suffered from anorexia iv been self harming since i can remember but recently i'v started seeing suicide as the answer, the one thing that could solve all my problems...its amazing how much your life changes when you stop living and start just existing, there's such a massive difference, iv lost all my passion for life, i just go through each day praying for the end, knowing i'll have to get up the next day and go through it all again, im sick of faking that smile im sick of pretending im ok, no matter how hard i try everything keeps falling apart, nothing is ever good enough, and no one understands how i feel, the dark lonlyness that overpowers me, i cry till i can cry no more, then i stop crying cos i know no one is there to dry my tears, so i reach for the razor but even that doesnt help anymore, people dont realise how much you have to hate yourself to draw a razor blade accross your skin, maybe i wont kill myself, maybe i'll battle on hoping to find happiness, the illusive "light at the end of the tunnel" ...well fuck that light, i walk and walk and i never fucking get there, im tired of walking, i want to do what i should of done a long time ago and give up...i dont even know why im writting this, wasting peoples time reading it...but maybe there's someone out there that can identify with how im feeling...the feeling when you watch every worthless minute drags by..iv never done anything in my life apart from let people down, let myself down, this is me, why would anyone like this...this wreck of a person who appears to have no reason to be depressed...well why am i so depressed then...i wont even start why, cos the more i think about it the more sad it makes me. i'll stop writting now, cest le vie.
     
  2. JayJay

    JayJay Well-Known Member


    Hello Dreaming Star. I'm JayJay and I've been through hell recently, also feeling as If I'm at the end. I have nothing left. It is only my daughter that stops me from "Throwing a seven" ! Take a look at the messages on this forum. Each one is screaming out. So much pain. I gained so much from knowing that there were many others suffering as I am. I quickly found that I am not alone and I gained to much strength from this and from the support from others. I hope you find comfort in knowing that people care about you. I care about you ! I spent my earlier years being bullied big style, I felt and still feel like a worthless bit of shit. I think that it's so easy to take the tablets and drink, but I then spare a thought for my daughter and of those around me that still care for me in their own way. I dream for today to end and for tomorrow to pass quickly and for good times to come. They will come ! I believe that to continue on.

    Myself and the other members on this forum will never abandon you and we will support you through this crap time in your life.

    Is there anything that has happened to make you feel as you are?

    Take care

    Jay:sad:
     
  3. Evo_L

    Evo_L Well-Known Member

    Anorexia is a complicated issue, are you on any medication at the moment for it or recieving any kind of therapy?

    Maybe you need to retrace the source of your ill-feelings, think back to the past when you were younger, were you ever neglected? Threatened? Scared?

    How have these effected your needs? Relationship wise, lifestylewise...etc?
     
  4. Up&down

    Up&down Well-Known Member

    dreaming_star
    Sorry you feel this way, it is a sad bad place to be.
    I know about the smiling from the teeth out to keep up a pretence.
    this will not probably help you but here goes anyway a friend who was stunning, life and sole of the party kept getting depressed but always managed to bounce back, anyway after a while she decided to stop eating then got an eating problem, started cutting herself she then moved away and we lost touch. 6 months later she rang me she had moved back and had been unable this time to bounce back, she couldn't eat but wanted to we talked and she could see the light at the end of the tunel, she started on cider hoping she could get some energy from that, she tried everything to get better but couldn't another six months of agony , then she had a heart attack after all these years of wanting to die her last words in my arms was "Danny I don't want to die I can see that now" and then she died.

    dreaming_star my friend suffered enough for all of us, we don't have to go what she went through.
    Please seek help don't let yourself get to the point of no return, you must not hate yourself, you are a wonderful human being who in different circumstances will shine.
    I know you feel there is no way out there is I promise.
    STAY SAFE,SEEK HELP
    Danny.
    Ps. I got that MSN thing if you want to chat, PM me for address.
    Take care of you it's only you that matters til you are over this.
     
  5. dreaming_star

    dreaming_star Member

    thank you all for taking the time to respond, i was suprised at how warm and friendly and welcoming this forum was, it just might of saved me today, for once i cried out for help and there were people there to listen, who understand, thank you all again for replying, you've really made me think and re-evaluate things X
     
  6. JayJay

    JayJay Well-Known Member

    :unsure:Hello !

    We are always here for you ! . . . each and everyone of us !

    You are all there for me and I will never forget this.

    Stay safe ! Sleep well !

    Jay :rolleyes:
     
  7. xCraigeX

    xCraigeX Member

    I can totally relate to you dude. Iam going through the same type of thing - but you know, just us posting on these forums proves that a part of us wants to live. We crave that forsaken light at the end of the tunnel - we all want that fairy tale ending.

    Well here we are, posting - seeking guidance. I can't give advice becoz then i would be hypocritical - just know your not alone, i feel exactly the same and i'm still here for now.

    don;t let that smile drop- fakeness is the closest you can get to true happiness, keep it fake - keep it real.
     
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