Ok I'm at that stage again!!!!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jell, Nov 5, 2014.

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  1. jell

    jell Well-Known Member

    I am having strong thoughts and plans for suicide, i am a self harmer and did something this week trying to stop the suicidal thoughts. Im torn between my kids and peace, day by day i keep fighting I have been trying to get help but then how can you get help if you don't know what you need. I feel that i have no future, I have a hole within me that is lost, not sure where i am going..........I feel a failure, hopeless and unhelpable, i can help others but can't help myself. Yes i know this is selfish it doesn't take into consideration anybody else its all me but i am in so much pain deep within i don't know where to turn.I have the crisis team involved after two months of asking for help and i just don't know what any body can do. I hate it when i am in so much pain especially when it leaks out to the outside as i usually can keep it together but i ended up crying while on the phone and my son saw and he is 14 so he's not stupid and he said to me last night it usually happens really quickly when i am like that, he means i go to hospital or such like, he knows i used to sh but i hide as much as i can from him. I just want him to live life to the full, and do what you want if it makes you happy. I don't even know why i am writing this here but i guess i really am trying to get some help advice anything what is there to do when you feel so desperate............thanx for reading this
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi jell i am sorry you are so depressed and sad I hope your doctor is working with you to get you on different meds get your into therapy. I know that feeling of wanting peace i do
    Show your son that taking care of oneself is the most important thing ok you go to hospital sign in for some treatment but stay safe for your children The will have NO peace if you leave hun you do not them to feel like you You go to your doc and get some inpatient treatment to get stronger again Your son will see you as someone very strong for reaching out for help
  3. johnsm

    johnsm Member

    you have children who love you remember, stop this self harming and deal with one thing at a time, if your so desperate then you must go to hospital if not for your sake then for your children. what pain will harming and suicide do to them for the rest of their lives,
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You are not alone. Think of your children and that will help you. You not alone and we can help you. It's not going to be overnight but one day at a time. You are not alone in your feeling. I implore that YOU DON'T ACT ON ANY FEELINGS FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILDREN.

    Keep posting for support and care. PM me if you want to talk in private. YOU DESERVE TO LIVE AS YOU ARE IMPORTANT. TAKE CARE.
  5. jell

    jell Well-Known Member

    My children come first they always have that is why I'm still here and they are a lot older now. I would never put harm to my children full stop its them that makes me battle to try and stop i usually hold it together when my son is home from school rarely does he see me cry, i do autopilot for him, please don't judge me on my children, i also know what devastation it leaves behind so I'm not deluded
  6. alexpemper

    alexpemper New Member

    jell all the best man i haven't got much advice as i haven't really been in your situation im only young (21) but when i got diagnosed depressed the 1 thing that kept me positive and rided it from my life is weight training you may of heard it before maybe not, but trust me its worked wonders for me it may for you

    "I believe that when the body is strong, the mind thinks strong thoughts. Time spent away
    from the iron makes my mind degenerate. I wallow in thick depression My body shuts down
    my mind. The iron is the best antidepressant i have ever found.
    there is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have
    been awakened to their true potential It's impossible to turn back.
    The iron never lies to you. you can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told
    that you're a god or a total bastard, the iron will always kick you the real deal.
    The iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver, Always there like
    a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the iron to be my greatest friend It never freaks
    out on me, never runes, friends may come and go, but two hundred pounds is always two
    hundred pounds" Henry rollins

    ^ little quote nothing too epic but it does apply if u can gain something from this I'll be happy, if not it's fine, all the best mate
  7. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Good advice try to work out it does the body and mind good
  8. jell

    jell Well-Known Member

    thankyou will try the weight training, i am in hospital at the moment had weekend leave and managed it even tho i was close to doing something saturday night. i really want my head to change its thinking i feel so flawed and it hurts so so much.
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