ok i'm ready to give in sorry

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Nathan :), Feb 18, 2010.

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  1. Nathan :)

    Nathan :) Banned Member

    im ready to give in but i don't want to end up in the hospital,well i'm suicidal because i can't cope no longer its not getting any better the feelings of suicide been the best option.The reasons why i want to go are because ive been sexually assualted recently and i'm just not getting any happier,some people seem to think its a laughing matter one of these been a so called friend that i have fallen out with her for it,but im in counselling i can't tell her because she will put me in a hospital and that will ruin everything.
    I don't know what to do no more.sorry for negetive post and sorry if ive triggered anyone,i dont feel i will commit suicide but i need these feelings to go with out me having to go to hospital.
  2. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    can't begin to describe how sorry i am for what you've gone through

    sexual assault is no laughing matter - but it's also not your fault

    and if your friend thinks it's funny, then she's not truly your friend

    sounds like you need something beyond simple counseling

    if you poke around, you'll see how i feel about hospitalization - it didn't work for me and now i can't go back

    but i have to say that there are people who were in there with me who managed to use the time in a positive way and were able to successfully cope with their problems and get on with their lives

    all i'm saying is that you should talk to your counselor and if you both think it makes sense, give it a shot
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Well sometimes the hospital is the best place for us to get help and stay safe till we get better and our thinking get clear and we face life with a more healthy attitude, healthy not total joy but better.

    Here is what I have said to my pdoc and therapist and have never gotten locked up after saying it....though I have have been placed in a hospital four times for serious attempts.

    Okay....Explain in so many words that you want your pain to end, not your life but the way you see it the two are the same. See you want to get better and be happy again the way I see you but if it means a life with pain well you don't want that so you pick suicide as the last resort. Tell you therapist that you want to get better and maybe you can come in twice a week till things get a bit better. See they don't want you in the hospital either per se they want you getting better so if you tell them you want to get better and you are willing to work hard at therapy but it is not happening fast enough I don't see why they would throw you in the hospitlal

    If you are threatening suicide right now and refuse/unable to keep trying therapy till there is some progress then perhaps the hospital is the best place.

    Again saying you want your pain to end it not cause for the hospital saying you want your life to end it different so get clear on that and I think the choice will be obvious after that.

    Hope I was able to help a bit..Bambi
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I got my daugther sexual assault councilling the councillors were excellent as that is all they dealt with You have to know that none of it was your fault and who ever it is that is laughing cut them out of your life they are not good to have around. Ask you doctor or look in your community for sexual assault councillors phone your hospital they will link you to help If you feel unsafe the hospital can be a safe place stay strong okay keep reaching out
  5. Nathan :)

    Nathan :) Banned Member

    hi thanks everyone for replying,i am in counselling it dont seem to be working,so i'm going to try one which is specialised in rape and sexual assualt,only problem is i have no idea where it is i have the address but not sure where it is.I may take a friend on a random walk tomorrow as its in town centre bt sort of out of the way by looks of things.
  6. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    sounds like a plan - good luck
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Sounds like a really good idea. Good luck!!!
  8. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    we are all here for you.
  9. Nathan :)

    Nathan :) Banned Member

    Can't find the place :S so il ask the college counsellor next time i see her,i'm sure she may know better than me.my head is still all over the place but im trying to cope.
  10. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    keep holding on - you're doing a good job

    we're always here if you need us
  11. Nathan :)

    Nathan :) Banned Member

    Re: ok i'm ready to give in sorry and strong language maybe included sorry

    does anyone know how long it takes to learn to live with the sexual assualt i had happen to me,its getting unbearable having to know i had that happen to me and the guy is still at college living his life normally :sad: people seem to blame me for it,others think im ok with what happened and im coping which is lies,but some friends know its hard and im still scared,but it doesn't help when people go why didn't you scream i would of?,why didnt you hit or kick him?for the fact i did knee him in the private areas but when someone taller and stronger than you grabs u and uses u as a fuck doll it dont fucking work,i tried getting him off me but hes stronger than i am and taller.
  12. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i wish i had an answer for you

    i have not been where you are now, so i'm not going to lie and say i know how you feel - nothing horrible that i have ever been through can even come close - so i don't just want to toss you bullshit cliches

    i can only offer some general advice that may or may help

    the hardest part is learning to believe in yourself again - to hell with the others - you're opinion of yourself is the one that matters

    people will always have opinions on what you did or should have done - there should come a time when i hope you realized that nothing you can say or do will change some of their minds - the hell with them

    stick with the friends who understand how hard this is for you

    some of your friends care

    others will care

    we care and will always be here for you

    this is what we can offer

    (although i know a website that will send fresh gift-boxed dogshit anonymously if you want to send me this bastard's address)
  13. Nathan :)

    Nathan :) Banned Member

    i dont know the guys address,all i know is the course hes on and what college hes at which is in uk.If i knew his address they would be plently of people going to hurt him,as they can't hurt him on college grounds because im likely to get in trouble even tho i would love him to be dead so i know he won't hurt me ever again.
  14. redemption

    redemption Active Member

    I hope you dont commit suicide, I dont know how it would be to get sexually assaulted since I'm a guy, but it's among the worst things I know in this world, I can't even watch it in movies, I really feel for you
  15. Nathan :)

    Nathan :) Banned Member

    i cant listen to the words on the news i hate hearing,reading or anything about it,i havent commited suicide but im still feeling very low and have done something i shouldnt of done,i am wanting to drop out of college because its only way i can escape the guy.
  16. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    I went to counseling for the same reason. At the time I didn't think it was helping. But eventually the nightmares went away, the feeling that people were going to get me went away, the over sensitivity went away, all because I went and talked about what happened. Its not your fault it happens to way too many people. The best thing to do is to just let it all out. I would stay away for dating for a while and be careful who you tell about what happened. Just speaking from personal experience. Also, taking a self defense course might also make you feel better. Rape and sexual abuse in some ways is a fate worse than death. It never leaves and it is always there. But you can channel that energy and make it give you strength. Your not a victim you are a survivor. Remember that. Your stronger than most.
  17. Nathan :)

    Nathan :) Banned Member

    hi its been taken to someone higher up at college so im very scared i don't talk to this person that it is been reported further to and i feel sick.:unsure:
  18. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Wow, it sounds like you're going through a lot. You're really brave though, and fighting so hard and doing so well. You should be so proud of yourself.

    Is there someone at college that you do trust, so that if you have to talk to that person, you can have someone you know and trust with you?

    Getting over sexual assault is not easy, but it is doable. You've experienced a horrific experience, and then been further invalidated by ignorant people who are too stupid to realise how devastating it was for you. Working with someone who specialises in rape and assult is a good idea, as is possibly checking out your local rape crisis centre, if you are in the UK.

    It takes time to work through all the pain because essentially you have to reopen those wounds and then, with support, allow them to close so that they don't cause you anymore pain. It's not quick, and its not easy, but if you keep fighting you WILL get there. Every day you fight, you win, and he loses.
  19. Nathan :)

    Nathan :) Banned Member

    my friends have offered to come with me,but i don't want them hearing the details but i may have a tutor with me because shes nice and she knows what has happened well some of details not all and shes an adult so i feel she may be better to come with me,cause i know it be hard for me but im sure it will be hard for other people hearing about sexual assualt especially since it happened in college where people are suppose to be safe.I am not brave,i do want to die to get away from all this as it hurts too much.
  20. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Taking a tutor is a good idea. You're right, it will be hard for people to hear, not because of the reasons you have given though, it will be hard for people to hear because they will hear your pain and the distress you feel at what happened.

    I do hear you want tthe hurt to ease and I do definitely hear how desperate you feel, but I see huge strength inside you and complete bravery. Anyone who survives what you have survived is brave and very strong.
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