ok so today isn't so good

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by tiredfighter, Dec 14, 2010.

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  1. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    I don't know why but today seems to have got off to a really bad start, I've taken my meds but they're either not working or taking a really long time to kick in, I don't feel suicidal but I feel extremely sad and low.
     
  2. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    did that feeling come out of the blue? i hope we can help you today too :smile:
     
  3. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    yea it just hit me this morning, all I can do is just think about everything that's wrong with my life and myself, I'm not really a person who places much value in myself but I also don't feel like I'm valued by my friends and family even though I've always gone out of my way to help them regardless, as I said I don't feel suicidal, just extremely low, I know there are people who need more help than me on the forum, I was just using it as a way to vent so nobody needs to fuss.
     
  4. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    i actually feel this way alot. sometimes helping others makes me feel like im giving everything i have only to recieve nothing in return when i need help. does this sound a bit familiar maybe? i hope youll feel better soon billy :hug: your certainly not alone
     
  5. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    hey, just because you arent feeling as bad as some other people doesnt mean you dont get support, we all get it on here. so well, keep talking or pm or whatever. but get used to it, you get support even if its just a little low
     
  6. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    I like helping others alot, not necessarily because it makes me feel good, I guess it's more because I care about other people and dont want to see them suffering, I don't really know why I don't seem to care about myself, it's kinda like an inability you know? like, someone can say "dude look at you your a mess you need to take time out to look after yourself" and I'm just like "no this person needs me or this thing needs to be done" its strange and I can't really explain it too well. I guess I just wana help more than I want to be helped.
     
  7. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member


    i do the same thing, so i get you. just keep in mind people wanna help you too like you wanna help them
     
  8. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    is it always a bad thing to give someone else advice that you yourself can't seem to follow?
     
  9. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    i mean i give advice all the time, but do i ever use it myself? nope. i wouldnt say its a bad thing as long as the advice is good, its just unfortunate that you cant follow it yourself
     
  10. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    I do it everyday, I tell people they matter when I myself don't believe I do, don't get me wrong, I used to matter to someone but not anymore, since then I guess I've been on self destruct, on a mission to destroy myself in every way possible, starting with family and friends, oh well, maybe my counselling on Friday will help, cos I am tryin to help myself, just not sure I can. I know this is kinda jibberish but my mind is racing and I'm tryna put everything down.
     
  11. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    its ok, believe it or not i kinda get it, i mean im sure i dont get it get it, but i got the idea. i get racing thoughts too, so i duno....

    to start, you must matter to someone, you say youre on a self destruct regarding friends and family. to really have them to start with you gotta matter to more people than you are giving yourself credit for.

    also the fact that you are trying to help yourself, dont let that idea leave you. i hope the counseling will help
     
  12. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    I have them but they believe I'm a "wrong'un" cos of the way I've lived my life and the things I've done, I hope counselling will help but I think letting the contents of my psychey assault the counsellors ears will end in me being locked up in a padded cell, and that's not a joke.
     
  13. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    there is confidentiallity between you and the counselor and they cant break it unless they believe you are a threat to yourself or someone else. keep that in mind. so unless they believe that you are going to hurt yourself (ie an attempt not just cutting) or are going to attack someone else they cant do anything (well i guess it would also depend where you are, but i believe the laws are similar just about everywhere)

    also- think about this, would you rather spend your life hurting or spend a little bit of time in the hospital and get better? it sounds like you said your meds typically do well, except for some instances...it sounds to me like you are getting better-so keep it up.
     
  14. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    I'm trying, I really am, I suicidal and homicidal feelings quite alot, although I've never acted on either, I'm afraid that I might if it gets too much for me to bare, they can't lock you away just for thinking about it though right?
     
  15. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    i think intent has to be present, like you have to show that you really consider doing it, id try googling it for where ever you are, since i dont know. if anything saying you have homocidal thoughts might be looked at differently than suicidal ones, so i would maybe keep that quieter, just to be on the safe side if you dont wanna risk being hospitalized. however, to really get better you have to be honest, and that tends to be the hardest part.
     
  16. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    hey tiredfighter, sorry you're not feeling to good today >_< i will say though and idk if your doctor told you this, but the first 2 weeks being on citalopram can cause you to feel a lot more depressed. when i first went on them i felt down a lot and physically drained and tired of life all the time (more often than usual) but after those 2 weeks it lifts a bit and you start to feel the way you did before the meds (for me anyway, maybe for you it'd feel better). anyway, i get what you mean about not feeling as though friends and family care and im sorry you're feeling this way too >_< its nice and shows what kind of person you are that you prefer to help others, its rare to find that in people because these days so many just think of themselves :/

    about being locked away, i think that probably happens in quite a few instances where people like us talk to counsellors about their dark thoughts etc., and as long as they're JUST thoughts you'll be fine. just dont plan to do it or anything and they cant punish you, though they'd probably keep a closer eye on you just in case you ever do go to do something. dont feel shy about talking about it to your counsellor this friday because the point is to talk about everything you're feeling / going through, im sure they've heard it plenty of times before anyway so it should be fine :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 14, 2010
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