*Ok* This is Awkward

[Losingfaith]

Hello,

I stated "Ok This is awkward" because I never thought I would find myself posting on a Suicide Prevention Forum. But, there must be a reason I am here, yeah I know.

I'm 30' something and a freelance web designer (Which seems to be a lousy career path) so far. I am married and have a child with my wife. I don't want to list too many details here because yes, I am paranoid. That is new for me also.

Well, I have thought about it recently but have not taken any action regarding it. I don't know if I am really too afraid to do it or if I am just not to that point yet. That is what is scary. I am one of those "Cut and Dry" people so for me to have mixed emotions (Or lack of any emotions at times) kind of freaks me out.

How does ones life just spiral down so far, for so long, all at once? People keep saying, "Don't worry, it will get better", but it never does. The only good thing in my life is my wife and child. Everything else, I loathe. I am not enjoying my favorite things any more. I can not sleep sometimes. I go without food for long periods of time and water. I can not get into peaceful music any more, I listen only to very angry music and very particular songs at that. I find that sometimes I can not dig any emotion out of myself when it comes to certain things, like I am a robot.

Well the list goes on, but I will stop here. Just wanted to say Hi and maybe someone could talk to me. Admins are welcome to email me.

I will come back.

 

[Ignored]

Hi and welcome to the forum.... I am glad that you have found us. You certainly sound like you have some of the classic symptoms of clinical depression. I am wondering if you have seen your dr about this at all? Some medications really can do wonders, as can talking therapies for some people. It sounds like you're bottling up quite a lot of anger (the angry music) which needs an outlet. If you haven't sought help it really might be a good start. In the meantime, welcome again and I hope you stick around and make some friends here.
Best wishes.


ps Love your avatar! :smile:

 

[gentlelady]

:welcome: to SF. As shygirl mentioned, if you haven't spoken to your doctor about this I would encourage you to do so. Depression can take all forms and it sounds like you are definitly in the midst of it. Meds can help alot if the right ones are found. It takes awhile for them to take affect, so if you shoose this route, please be patient and give them time to work. Share as much or as little with us as you care to. we are a community of very supportive people. Take care. :hug:

 

[iracund]

hi losingfaith. i'm new here too. and i feel like you just wrote the essence of a lot of things i am thinking but can't muster the energy to write down because that would require really thinking about it and at the moment, i don't want to think. i just want to forget. but it's nice to read your introduction and know that i'm really not alone. :biggrin:

 

[~CazzaAngel~]

Welcome to the forum. If you ever need to talk please feel free to PM me or add me to MSN. Hang in there hun. I hope you find all the support and friendship here that you need. Take care. :hug:

 

[Esmeralda]

Hey there Try to look at it this way: you have a wife whom you love and a child whom you probably love more than anything in the world. IMO, the rest may be shit, but you have what really matters in your life...you really do. Enjoy your family and let the thought of them get you through until things get better. Please don't hurt yourself

 

[White Dove]

Welcome to SF

I am White Dove

feel free to pm me if you need to in the next day or two ...

 

[possessednomad]

Hiya, and welcome.

i hope you enjoy it here.

 

[liveinhope]

Hello and welcome im dawn you can chat anytime