Hello, I stated "Ok This is awkward" because I never thought I would find myself posting on a Suicide Prevention Forum. But, there must be a reason I am here, yeah I know. I'm 30' something and a freelance web designer (Which seems to be a lousy career path) so far. I am married and have a child with my wife. I don't want to list too many details here because yes, I am paranoid. That is new for me also. Well, I have thought about it recently but have not taken any action regarding it. I don't know if I am really too afraid to do it or if I am just not to that point yet. That is what is scary. I am one of those "Cut and Dry" people so for me to have mixed emotions (Or lack of any emotions at times) kind of freaks me out. How does ones life just spiral down so far, for so long, all at once? People keep saying, "Don't worry, it will get better", but it never does. The only good thing in my life is my wife and child. Everything else, I loathe. I am not enjoying my favorite things any more. I can not sleep sometimes. I go without food for long periods of time and water. I can not get into peaceful music any more, I listen only to very angry music and very particular songs at that. I find that sometimes I can not dig any emotion out of myself when it comes to certain things, like I am a robot. Well the list goes on, but I will stop here. Just wanted to say Hi and maybe someone could talk to me. Admins are welcome to email me. I will come back.