ok, what do i do?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ripx, Sep 4, 2007.

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  1. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    i have spent hours trying to figure what it is im going to do with my life.

    i have a disability so i am limitted in my ability to find work, but im too depressed to do the jobs i can do because i dont want those jobs, i am only doing them because thery are my only option. i need money to survive but dont have the mental strength to keep a job that i dont want, but in my situation i should be happy with whatever job i can get. what should i do! im trying to apply for this social benafits program in order to recieve moeny, but what if they just tell me that i have to accept whatever job and live with it! is it reasonable to say that i simply CANT! i cant interact with people anymore, i am sick of the world and just want to be left alone, but that doesnt mean i dont need money still. seriously, how do i convince them that i cant do it out of fear, inexperience, and lack of will. im just too dam depressed, maybe if i wasnt physically disabled, i could get a job like security guard or truck driver, those are my dream jobs because i would be all alone. But i cant do those jobs because im legally blind. do i have a claim here or am i being unreasonable? i certainly think not. why should i have to conform? i want to do a specific type of job for my specific wants and needs, but i cant because of something completely out of my control? to hell with that, THEY WILL CONFORM TO MY NEEDS AND GIVE ME THE MONEY I NEED TO SURVIVE.

    IF I AM DENIED THE MONEY THEN MY LIFE WILL OFFICIALLY HAVE HIT ROCK BOTTOM AND I WILL HAVE NO FUTURE NO HOPE AND NOTHING TO LOSE AND I WILL DO SOMETHING CRAZY LIKE FIRE BOMB THE SPECIFIC WORKER WHO DENIES ME.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 4, 2007
  2. JustWatchMeChange

    JustWatchMeChange Well-Known Member

    Have you checked other programs such as food stamps. You might seek help fro a local Church. What is your disability, if you don't mind sharing it.
     
  3. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Have you ever thought about doing some kind of online work? A lot of places hire and let you work out of your home. I'm not sure if they do that in your area but I know here they do. As for working, yes you do need money to survive, especially in a world like the one we live in, where money exceeds any kind of happiness just to be here. If they deny you the social benefits program as sad as it seems you will have to get a job to survive. I know you can't interact with people anymore, the only advice i can give is to try the online stuff and see if you can find something. Best of luck hun, in finding something.

    Kanani~
     
  4. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    sorry for the caps.

    and to the first reply (sorry i didnt read ur name)

    i wont EVER do a job i am being forced to accept. there are TONS of jobs out there that i want and that are redally available, no competition what so ever, but i cant do them. like security, construction, truck driver, taxi driver, jobs where i work alone.

    i dont know i am truly fucked, what am i going to do for god sake why must i be cursed!
     
  5. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    What kind of disease or medical condition do you have that prevents you from doing such jobs?? Sorry you don't have to answer, I am just curious.
     
  6. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    legally blind, and extremely bad social anxiety.
     
  7. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    how the hell are you typing to me? :eek:hmy: and how are you reading what i've written
     
  8. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    ...sorry. :eek:hmy: excuse my ignorance.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 4, 2007
  9. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Just talked to a friend I get it now. My bad. :)
     
  10. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    ok this is very embarrasing to share, but i figure what the hell i might as well. Here is the letter i will include with my aplication. AISH is "assured income for the severly handicapped"


    My name is _______ and I applied for AISH about a year or so ago and was denied. The reason I gave for needing assistance was that I am legally blind and cant find work because of it. The reason for denial was that despite being legally blind, I could still physically perform at some type of work or another.

    That is true, I could work, I have worked very briefly in the past. However, Whatever little work I found I still wasn’t able to perform well enough at, and was fired.

    The reason I gave on my last AISH application wasn’t entirely honest, or detailed enough. The honest reality behind my inability to find work is one that I was ashamed of, and therefore concealed in the hopes that my physical disability would be enough to warrant me the money I needed from AISH. The reason I cannot work is because of constant depression that I suffer from. I am literally depressed, and think about suicide everyday. I have been depressed for as long as I can remember, and have been suicidal since the age of 16. Because of my depression, I am unable to function.

    However, the most serious reason I am unable to work is that I suffer from extremely high levels of social anxiety. For as long as I can remember I have been afraid of public interactions. I am neither proud, nor entirely sure why this is. I have always preferred to be alone, at home and in public. For example at home, I remain isolated from the rest of the family, and whenever guests visit, it’s as if I am not a member of the household. Cousins who visit regularly, I haven’t seen in months.

    Being socially phobic shouldn’t be a reason for not being able to work; however for me it is. Because of my disability, I am unable to find work that would be suitable to my needs. For example a job that has little to no social interactions such as a night shift security job, this isn’t an option for me. So instead I would be forced to accept a job that I wouldn’t want, such as working with computers. But even if I did have such a job, I would be too depressed to function at it. I am unable to function normally on a day-to-day basis let alone bare the responsibility of a job; all do to my constant feelings of depression.

    I was barely even able to finish my semester of school, which was only ten hours a week. It was a constant struggle to find the motivation to go out into public and face life, as evident by my terrible attendance.

    And any old job that I can do isn’t enough for me; the depression caused by the feelings of entrapment is too over bearing for me to work at that job. What I mean by feelings of entrapment is that the job I would do wouldn’t be one that I chose myself or necessarily wanted, but rather being forced to accept, regardless of whether I enjoy it, or if it pays a desired amount of money. This causes me even more depression compounded with the already debilitating depression I have had my whole life.

    My feelings of social anxiety stem most definitely from my disability and abnormal appearance which has caused me to have very phew pleasant interactions growing up, and far too many unpleasant and scaring ones. I was bullied, and had virtually no friends up until the 8th grade.

    As it stands right now, I would rather end up homeless, and being forced to steal to survive before being forced to work in a work environment with co-workers where I am extremely uncomfortable. Again, this wouldn’t be a problem if I was able to just find work that I can do like a security guard or truck driver, these are literally my ideas for a dream jobs.

    I have become increasingly anxious about my future lately, as it is now only a few months away from when I will have no income as I will be done school, and will no longer receive grant funding. Coupled with the fact I have neither the ability, nor work experience to go out and find a job I want. I am currently going to school strictly to receive money, I have absolutely no interest in becoming a social worker, infact given my mental state, a social worker is about as opposite a job as I can do or would want.

    ---

    what do you think my chances are? i have spoken to a fellow forum member about this, and they say that they are currently receiving this AISH. i haven't spoken much to them, but from what Ive gathered their reason for receiving AISH is aspergers syndrome. i have not been diagnosed with anything, but thats only because i don't know where to go to get a diagnoses of what is wrong with my head.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 4, 2007
  11. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    oh come on ppl, some honest feed back would be appreciated.
     
  12. try open learning, get betr skills, thats what im doin then u dont have to c folk only at assesment times. im sure you can find summit you can and want to do. i no thats important.x
     
  13. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    whats open learning?
     
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