ok why should i bother anymore

im 36, divorced.... actually thats not the bad thing because we broke up very well all things considered.... im in debt so bad no honest man could pay it back... i have two kids that i pay for but i am sure my ex wife spends it on herself and her new man...

im crap at my job,,,, i have only one friend who i am in love with but she doesnt feel the same and uses me as a shoulder to cry on....she said she wants someone like me just not me!!!!

my mother spent my entire childhood telling me i wasnt good enough and now she feels guilty because i ve been diagnosed with depression....supposed to take tablets, came on holiday and forgot them and now ive crashed.... oh yeah and i am sick too....thats my luck right there..

anyway as i said my mum feels guilty so she now babys me so much i cant breathe and i dont even live with her...

my last girlfriend was a real phsyco.... who was still in love with her ex husband and an ex boyfriend at the same time.... she then chose to get rid of me by lting to her whole neighbourhood about me...now i cant trust a woman again even if i wanted to..... yeah i recognise the contradiction... i would trust the girl i mentioned earlier.....

this is NOT how i thought it would be when i was six...... thirty years later the little boy is crying because the man i became ruined his dreams....

i dont want my kids to see what a pathetic man i am when they are old enough to really understand... they would be better off without me.... i wreck lives and i will NOT wreck theirs..... will finish this holiday out of pure bloodymindedness then i m gone....... it took a lot to get me here bit its just buried me...... thanks for reading if you stayed till the end....

 

Hello there, i share so much of what you have written.
I have found many dark places to hide in over the last few years, but now i refuse to take the shade, instead i have decided to harden myself to the truth.
We cant make others think like we do my friend, but we can control ourselves and our thoughts.
Everyday we have a new chance to make those changes in our lives, the question is, do we act or do we do nothing?
If you ever want to talk about this, please pm me.
Stand strong, stand proud, as a father stand alone,
Pete

 

You are not pathetic...you are in pain...your children can learn a good lesson about how to handle life with grace should you allow yourself to do so...and please know I am a card carrying member of this forum, so I have been moments away from 'taking the bus'...it is very dark sometimes, so dark that we feel it will never be light again...that is the syndrome we live with, and the monster that is such a buzz kill...I have tried to not listen to those voices and find my way through a journey I would rather not be on...please know we are here for you and that many of us understand what you have said...big hugs and please stay safe; PM me if I can be there for you...J