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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Feb 26, 2013.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    im going to be honest and plain. im not coping, at all right now. ive started sh'ing again. very anxious, almost panic state most days. trying to distract and get things done etc. works for a short time in the mornings. this late evening time is the worst time of day for me and i know this and thats why i try to do something i enjoy most evenings. but its not working right now. at all. a lot of this is due to upcoming anniversary. im scared to tell my t. this is so crazy and stupid, im old enough one would think to be able to get on with my stuff on my own. but obv not atm. i dont know what to do. pls dont say be honest with my t because ive tried. its hard as i couldnt deal with some options previously given to me. i cant do this long term. im just tired of me and my inabilities.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Nobody should have to get on with everything on our own... it's not easy no matter what age we are. I don't know your situation or what you're going through right now, but just offering a listening ear if you want to talk. :hug:
     
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    when a spouse dies ( and she was a spouse in every sense but legal) we cant just get on with it no matter what age we are. It takes time. Especially when we do not have a solid support system. I am here with open arms..... and open ears to hear your words. Sometimes huge tragedies in our life bring up other stuff that we have stored away. Either way, its not about you not getting on with things. This is very hard, Mo. Its a huge life crisis. A crisis I really believe you can get through, with help. Glad to hear you are working with a T. Even if you cannot at this time tell her how you are feeling. Safe :hug: for you, Mo. Can you say when the anniversary is? If not, I do understand
     
  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you both, is hard for me to verbalize stuff. Esp right now when I'm distressed. But thanks.
     
  5. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    ((gentle hugs Mo))

    thank you again for the connect. I wish you could talk in there ((hug))...i would listen and be with you.

    you are cared about ((gentle hug))
     
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    yes you are !!

    I know its hard for you to use your voice now. Weather or not you can verbalize things, you have people here who are here for you and care.
    Community is people who can hold, and hear you even when you cannot speak. ((((((( MO)))))))
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 27, 2013
  7. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Anniversaries are sheer hell. Don't know why a particular day should have such an impact only that they do. Hugs and love.
     
  8. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Excuse me

    But I'm done with this shit. Over me. Over it all. I wish I could exit. NOW.

    N responses necessary. A fucking done with trying to feel bett, it's just not possible.

    Well what do you mean "this is so hard" ..... Ae you fucking kidding me, do I I have to spell it out? D I have to? Yay for making me feel so fucking special and heard and undertood and all thothcrap.

    A the end of th day it's me, just me. Alone. Trying but failing. Alone. Alone. Alone.
     
  9. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    i won't say i totally get everything.

    i understand a fair amount though.

    I am now down and dirty with my method, testing it out, preparing.
    and Alone. Just me and it. Alone. Biggest mistake i made was to tell someone.
    so now it's like okay calm, everything is cool, i'm "fine". Let it blow over so ppl will calm/forget.
    i'll just sit quietly with it now; Alone. awaiting my time to calmly, slowly, walk towards the exit while no one is looking.

    but...thank you for connecting with me those couple times. It meant a lot to me. i know you did not come there specifically for me, but you did care enough
    to reach out (*tears) and connect with me, and that meant a lot to me. Thank you. I needed that...from someone i know, understands.
    I wish i could somehow do the same for you, and that you too could take some small comfort from it, for whatever it is worth.

    For me, the most difficult time of day, is the few hours prior to dawn, while it's still dark. That's when i struggle.

    sigh :sad: maybe i am not articulating very well today...sorry (hug)
     
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