Well as you can see my attempt on the 18th didn't work, I want to start this by saying I've re-read that thread and I can't even remember writing most of the stuff or reading the replys. Not much has made sense to me over the past few weeks. Its been hard and probably harder the fact everyone has this high opinion of me and how I "managed" to deal with everything. So I sat my cousin and his girlfriend down and spoke to them about what I did how I've been feeling exactly what is going on in my head and they where shocked. They thought I was dealing with it and didn't realise how premeditated I was and that there was no sign of me going to attempt to take my own life. I came to the conclusion that, my mum was my world along with my daughter and that she would want me to get back to being me. By that I mean no one could annoy me get to me or hurt me in anyway possible. Maybe it was easy being hard and heartless and just stepping on everyone to make sure I didn't get hurt. Sounds strange but its what I use to be, it was me, my daughter and it seriously was fuck the world. Maybe it is about time I got back to being me and just not letting anything bother me. I've been sitting thinking long and hard about everything, and the conclusion is I've never been honest with myself. I tell people I love them, not because I do but because it makes them happy and I know every woman I've been with has loved me, told me how special I am and how how much they trust me. So maybe I am nice and I just dont want anyone to believe that, so if I accept how people percieve me then in truth people will miss me. Proof is that night that I attempted I texted a weird text message to an ex girlfriend, who in turn got everyone worried as she knew probably me better than me. So from this night, I guess I take back my life, I take back what I want in my life and decide what I dont want. Every little thing that hurts me in the past is going to stay there, I guess everyone needs to wake up one day and take control of their life, and tonights mine. All I can say to help anyone in the future is, every single thing that brings you down, rid it from your life. No matter how hard it is, get things in your life to make it worth while. Always try to look on the bright side and be prepered for anything. I think everyone deals with things differently but everyone comes to one conclusion and thats move on and do something worth while. Anyone who needs help I'll be around, I've been through a hell of a lot for 28 and I'll try and help anyone. Thank you to those who responded the last time, thank you very much.