Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Dec 16, 2011.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    So here's my currant dilemmas as of this second

    Have been drikmking which obv is stupid. But am not ay home.so wouldn't this. Be thetimr. Its found throguhb my mind cauw then there's be no question of others habin.g to deal with me.

    But always so id I was going to them why post and couldn't I justice disappeared

    Maybe its all b I can to reach oil.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Sleep it off hun, you'll feel better in the morning :hug:
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Sle0p off the feelings of nut bring here? I feels stupid new

    Ok this s why I hate askings fir help.
  4. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    No, it would not be better. People care about you, they need you, you give a lot of help and so you are entitled to some when you need it.
    Please do not feel stupid.
  5. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    :hug: sorry your feeling so bad. will try and catch you later if your online. theres lots who care about you :hug:
  6. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Im sorry. Pls ignore/ban me
  7. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I won't ignore you and I hope no-one bans you.
    Hope you can post again soon and tell us how you are feeling.
  8. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    no ignoring or banning :hug: glad to see you posting, how are you doing today :hug:
  9. ZasuArt

    ZasuArt Well-Known Member

    ((Mo)) Please don't beat yourself up! You're not stupid, you're struggling... and you can get through it if you give yourself a chance. And we're not going to ignore you, because we care about you and want to support you. I wish I had the magic words that would heal your pain (and my own). Just know that while you ride this out, you are among friends. You know that we're not going to judge you because we've all been there on some level. You make mistakes just like everyone else, but you are GOOD and WORTHY. You make such a beautiful difference in our lives. You're going to get through this, Friend. Please hold on and keep posting. Sending love, hugs and friendship...T :console:
  10. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    I don't even want to think about you not being here. And I'm glad you're reaching out.

    There is so much care and compassion here for you.

    We care about your wellbeing, and a lot of us draw courage and inspiration from you.

    You are important and I am so sorry that you're in pain

    Please be kind to yourself today, you deserve all the kindness you can get, starting here.

    You have helped me and many others and continue to

    (((hugs, and more hugs)))
  11. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Firstly - my sincere thanks again for you who reached out and responded.

    It really helped and I was rude in return which I am sorry about. Was away for a couple of days and reality was back biting me in the @$$ last night and I wanted to get away from that and obviously choose an unsuitable way, through drinking, which then lead to incorrect thoughts.

    I feel so alone at times, would I ever admit that to anyone irl? Absolutely not. I'm laughable. So many of us feel this need to portray ourselves as something we are not. It is a shame, and it is sad, but at the same time for me I have to do what I feel I need to, to get by. And frankly, people wouldn't know what to do with us if we were the "true" us.

    I can see the conversations & glances -

    oh, you are taking anti-d's and anxiety meds.... oh, you are seeing a therapist.... oh, you're really not holding up well.... oh, what do you mean you are depressed.... oh, why were you honest and said how you feel.... oh, why would you be wondering about your future life.... oh, you are sad.... oh, why can't you manage your job right now.... oh, you really don't have anyone you trust to talk with irl.... oh, you've hidden so much from us all over the years.... oh, you were what.... oh, did that really happen.... oh, I didn't realize.... oh, you mean she is your partner.... oh, that is how you are feeling....

    etc. etc. But of course - the most deadly response would be silence and an awkward one at that.

    Please take care of yourselves & thank you again.
  12. ZasuArt

    ZasuArt Well-Known Member

    Anytime, Mo! :console: I wish I had the words to make you see all the many good and loveable things about yourself. But believe me, I relate to what you are saying on many levels. I too feel like I hide who I really am from the world by putting on a happy face (or if not happy, deceptively neutral). And we all have our unhealthy coping strategies. Mine used to be cocaine with any other drug I could get my hands on. I overcame that addiction years ago, and now I just run and hide from almost any potential conflict in my life. As I told my therapist Thursday, I'm so terrified of touching the fire that I'll back myself into a molten lava pit to avoid it. You're no worse than any of us, Mo... and so much better than many of us. And you know that no matter who you are, there will always be those who are so empty that they have to judge others to feel they exist. All we can do is try like hell to be reasonably accepting of ourselves in spite of them. Thinking of you, Sweetie, and sending hugs and friendship...T :console:
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