I don't know why or how all these things have hit me tonight. I don't know what to share or what to edit. Typing this is increasing my anxiety which is already at a rather high level tonight. In many ways, its the perfect night. I'm alone. In another way I know I can't do that right now. I have never told many things to anyone, ever. I don't know how to process when the thoughts, feelings, images come back. I find it so hard to ground myself, to distract, to forget, to just get away from them. I have enough going on right now, why does this have to come up AGAIN? and why NOW? :cry: I wish I could cry real tears, it has been some time since I've let them go and now they just don't seem to want to.