okay. *breathes*

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by rootedphoenix, Jan 5, 2009.

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  1. rootedphoenix

    rootedphoenix Well-Known Member


    I cannot simultaneously want to be dead and alive, now can I?!

    I have what feels like pneumonia, but could just be me being an idiot.

    What I DO know is that breathing is FUN TIMES, SIR. FUN TIMES. ::whimper:: My chest hurts when I lay down. Sometimes it even hurts when sitting upright.

    Coughing is the cherry on this sundae.

    Laying down and breathing is an Olympic sport. I'm declaring myself an athlete and I WANT MY GOLD MEDAL NOW.

    I'm being funny, because otherwise I'll cry, and then the snot in my nose will multiply to infinite proportions and I don't know if there's enough space on earth for grossness of that magnitude.

    So. My mother will probably go insane if this unnameable snot-driven plague kills me. My friends will cry. Many people will be unhappy.

    I, for their sake, will be sad, and cry.


    ...this is a confusing mess of emotions to be, with a sickness that could be NOTHING.

    I am an idiot.

    Thanks for listening.
  2. Barwell

    Barwell Active Member

    Please can you PM me with - a short biography of your life and we can try and pinpoint any problems..

  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Have you seen a doctor yet about your symptoms? :unsure:
  4. rootedphoenix

    rootedphoenix Well-Known Member

    I want to, but unless I go to the ER, I can't see one the same day.

    My county government hard at work. (I have no insurance.)
  5. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member


    That's really sad :(

    Oh, and what is ER?

    Ps: Do you play piano?:)
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    ER=Emergency room,I think.:unsure:
  7. rootedphoenix

    rootedphoenix Well-Known Member

    ER=emergency room.

    Costly trip. Uncomfortable beds.
    ("Here, lay on this ironing board, and try to sleep." "WHAT?!")
    Gowns that open in the back. Pointy objects.

    I hate the place. HATE IT. (Sorry, still trying not to cry.)

    I may have to go. :cry: For me, I want to be dead, not in the ER.

    That's where my suicidal thoughts come in, of course. I want to be dead, but I don't do anything silly because I know people would be hurt.

    I just want to fall asleep and never wake up. They can blame it on the sickness, I didn't take anything, I didn't do anything. I just died. That's it.

    And to the ER I would go, because my mother's sanity is more important than my own.

    ETA: :hug: to hurted :D
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 5, 2009
  8. rootedphoenix

    rootedphoenix Well-Known Member

    I do, badly. lol

    It makes many things more worthwhile.
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Why don't you try your doctor again. I'm sure if you tell them you are having chest pains they will squeeze you in. Age doesn't matter when it comes to heart problems or stroke.
  10. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    You don't have to go, and you know it! :hug:
    Just fight, and one day you will win!
    I know that you can do it, i really beleive it.
    Oh, and it's good to cry. It's great, natural way of coping.
    I am a boy and i still cry often:)

    I don't think you're bad. As a pianist i know how hard is to play piano, even "easier" pieces, and i dont think we can call it bad playing, unless every second note is missed :)

    May i ask you at what level you are? (which pieces you are playing?)

    Oh, and sorry if I bother you with this. If that's the case, you don't have to answer

    Take care:hug:
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