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okay, byebye!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by KittyGirl, Dec 31, 2009.

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  1. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    J finally contacted me for the first time since we broke up.
    What's worse-- he was just as nice as he always was to me... he told me that he was in love with the me from highschool, and that after highschool I changed and was depressed and selfconscious all the time- so he left me.
    Fucking dick! I was always selfconscious and depressed- I finally just let him in to see the real me, and he didn't like it?! He liked my 'mask'?!

    I fucking hate this so much! I bawled my eyes out-- and still am; even harder than I have every day since we broke up. I can't let anyone in because they'll hate me! I'm just too pathetic.
    soo fucking sad.
    I really don't wanna see 2010, now. I'd rather just drop dead.
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I've had this happen to me. It is so painful, especially when something like this happens to reopen the pain.

    You are in my prayers :hug:
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    kittygirl we love and accept you without your "mask" so realize that although he lacks maturity and the ability to see the real you we here do and we love you for it..:arms:
    I know it is painful but he is just one person out of many that care about you, the real you....
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey it hurts when people we care about or who says they care about us are unable to help. He is so young and does not have knowledge how to help you. I keep my mask on all time when i am around people and it get so hard so tiring. Hang in there okay we care no pretense here we all can relate and understand. someday he will grow intellectually and emotionally and understand how he has hurt you but he just doesn't get it yet
  5. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I wanted so badly to be the person he thought I was... but I'm just not. I thought he knew that it was an act.
    If I'd have known- I would've kept on acting.

    He was the only person I had.
  6. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    Hey I'm going through something similar. My ex broke up with me and he was the only person I had so now I just want it all to end.

    But it would've been wrong for you to act just to stay with him, you need someone who likes you for you..and there's only so long you could've kept up the act for.

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    yes, it hurts when relationships turn out this way. it is by no means a reason to kill yourself.
    why would you allow someone to control YOUR LIFE ?
    when we commit suicide because of a broken relationship, thats what we are doing.
    we allow that person to win. we allow our self to feel so low that nothing else is worthwhile..

    there are plenty of ppl out there to make friends with. brood about it for a couple days ... sure, be angry ... maybe .... kill yourself or want to be dead ... not even worth entertaining. why would death be better than moving on and finding someone better.

    get up and ride again. you can do it.
  8. Princess-x

    Princess-x New Member

    I'm sorry to hear your news I can imagine the hurt your feeling inside but try not to let it get to you.

    You did something very brave by revealing your "mask" showing him the real you, and if he didn't like it or wasn't willing to give you a chance to open up to him then you should try to rise above it, he obviously wasn't the person you thought he was.

    2010 is a new start and instead of you saying you want to end your life I think you should take this opportunity to make a fresh start and forget about him and slowly but surely move on for the better. Stay positive. x

  9. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    aghhh ><
    Why do I keep torturing myself?!
    Checked facebook- and his last update was; 'really drunk and gonna get some sex.'
    that's great. -__- of COURSE he's having sex with his new gf, but he doesn't have to publicly post it! FUCKSAKES!!!
  10. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    --just purged all the food I've eaten today.
    Do not feel good at all. My chest is really tight, and my head feels so heavy...
  11. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    kay- I'm driving to the hospital.
    Something's not quite right when you're vomiting blood.
  12. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    :hug:....hope you get better and nothing serious going on :hug:
  13. rxrxrx

    rxrxrx Member

    I had a long time boyfriend that I dated through high school and then lived with. When we broke up, I moved to New York to get away from him and it made all the difference. Consider starting over before you consider it the end.
  14. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    blehh-- it was an ulcer.

    I really feel like I've wasted the 10 years of my life that I devoted to him.
    I'm also afraid to just forget him though because he was always the only person I trusted and loved. I can't bring myself to hate him. It wouldn't have mattered how cruel he was to me;I could have forgiven him for anything.
    I don't feel that I can trust him anymore, though.
    I haven't felt like I could trust *anyone* for a long time.
    I need to learn to trust myself first-- then maybe that will come naturally.
  15. orangejulius

    orangejulius Well-Known Member

    Vanessa, you're one of the sweetest people on these forums. If this is you beneath the mask, he really made a huge mistake. I can only make an observation based on what you've said so far, but he seems like an incredibly selfish, immature guy.

    Even though I personally find it hard advice to take, there are mountains of guys out there that are better for you than him. If a guy truly cares about you, he would want to help you when you're down.

    I'm really glad you checked in at the hospital... make sure to take care of yourself.

    Just tell yourself that this is your chance to start over. You've got to break free from him, because he's bad for you. :hug:
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