Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by WHITEDOVE101, Sep 28, 2008.
forget i even tried to come here for anymore help!
i should have known, i am unloved whereever i go
okay, seeing as how i can not find my password nor can talk with someone i guess i now have no choice.
this is white dove, and to the admin, no i did not purposely post under this name, i did it because i could not find my password and have requested it like a gozillion times but went to my mailbox and have not seen it there as of yet.
i really needed to talk to someone and i am not about to use the dang phone to call a 800 number, sorry for posting here but i did not know what else to do so i guess this will go unanswered as the others , i just needed someone to talk to tonight cause i have a lot of hurt feelings inside me and found out some terriable things the last 2 days about my life that there is no way in this world i can stay. no this is not a suicide note, it is an expresion of my feelings and intent to do something. I came here seeking help, love, care, from someone, anyone, but that has failed me as i can not log in, i suppose i am banned still???? or whatever but i really did need someone tonight... i am so much hurting right now that i just cant stand it anymore, something has to give and my pain has to stop.
hazel, i got your email but i cant post cause i lost my password or you blocked me??/ i really do not know but i have tried many times to start over but something always led me back down and these last two days was no exception, in fact it made it worse for me and the worset is not being able to login here and express my emotions, instead i have to keep it inside me, bottled up and silenced forever.
sorry, for all the hurt i have caused you and anyone else here, i stayed away because i did not want to hurt anyone anymore, but right now i need the love and support and cant get it, this is the worst i have been in a long time but i guess i deserve it, and it is all my fault, everything that has happened is all my fault, sorry, so sorry.. love you all.
Hun you know that you arent. But I think you need to rethink how you post your threads. Your second post was so much better. But when you come on being "aggressive" or "assuming" people tend to shy away. If you want to talk about what's up please drop me a pm. I hope that you are able to find the strength you need to get past this.
You are cared for by many people Susan. But they will only reassure of this so many times before they stop telling you because you constantly say otherwise. I know I begin to feel it doesn't matter if I tell you because you don't believe me anyway. You need to both accept and recognize support from those that choose to give it.
but i am so mixed up i do not know what support even is, yes i am that stupid!
so many things have happened that i just can not go on and i really mean that too...
maybe those others and you that claim to care about me, maybe if you could understand my pain then maybe you could understand my actions? i found something out the other day that is a major factor upon me right now, people say i am strong but i am not that strong, i cant do this anymore... i came here to find a reason to stay but i see no reason to stay.
heck.. i cant even log in and right now to be honest with you i am terrified.. really terrified.. you want to know why i am terrified?
i am terrified because i cant log in and terrified i will get banned for posting like this because of what happened when i got drunk and cursed here, this is like my only lifeline right now, it really is but i cant log in and requesting the log in is not helping any, so i post like this terrified i will be banned at any moment. i cant even stop the tears right now, been crying since i found something out.. i really have no other thing left, really.. what i found out was so terriable, it has made a drastic change upon my outcome. my life is shot and to be completly honest with you it would have been better if i had died instead of them bringing me back.. i have no life, really i have no life at all
There are plenty of hotlines for you to ring, why don't you ring a hospital if its that bad?
because all they want to do is keep you on the line just long enough to trace your call and send a police to your house and put you in a nut house for observation for 72 hours or more..
i dont need any observation, been there done that.. i need a friend. i need someone to talk too other then a stupid doctor who only asks you how your feeling. i need to know that i am loved and a reason to stay here.
my life is shot.. i have more strikes against me then for me, and all anyone wants to do lately is shove my past and what all i did back in my past up in front of my face all the dang time. and i thought that maybe, just maybe i would have one place where i could feel loved, where i could help someone ease their pain and in the same time help me ease some of mine, it seems even that has failed me by one person here who blames me for other forums etc. i only post on 2 other forums, but go to several to read.
i am so low right now, really and when i need someone here its like i have no one. its like this is all my fault because i did not attempt my life and succeed in it. i am not going to give any dates anymore.. i am strongly considering it and i dont mean that lightly either. my funeral is all planned out right down to the songs. i have a minister willing to do it and told him to be prepared. i have no life.. really have no life, no friends, no loved ones,
something has happened to me that is way beyond what i thought could ever accure. all when i think about all those times i tried to do things, to get out of the place i am in were for nothing. people hiding things from me thinking i would never find out and i would not have found out if it had not been for me appling to get a job, they run a background check upon me and there is no way i can ever get a job, so why should i even bother to fight? those that kept this fact from me did wrong in so many ways. i have no other choice nor option right now.
heck i can hardly login anymore, when i come here with my internet exployer browser it automatically logs me in when i try to come here with firefox i cant log in, so i tried changing my password while i am in exployer but i have to have my old password which i do not know, in my exployer it loggs me and says i have preformed an illegal operation and will be shut down, i am just surprised it has not logged me out yet.
i need friends and someone to talk too but right now i have noone. can you not understand that i am right now at a crossroads and no where to turn?