Okay I am a...

I dont know what my problem is but I feel that I have some sort of disorder. My doctor just gives me zoloft... she and my parents cant seem to understand that I have a problem rather than me just acting stubborn (anger management) . I stopped medication and theraphy 2 years ago. Everything was fine my parents believe that I am "cured" yet I keep insisting I want to see a doctor coz I know somethins is not right with me because of:
I dont have any social life
I am so afraid of being embarassed even a lil bit I feel paranoid
I keep on thinking about suicide since I was a child
I avoid people and looking at them
I feel that I am unworthy to be happy or even to have my name be mentioned
I have "strange" fetishes
I am starting to hate women
I talk less ( I already talked less but it worse now)
My self confidence is at an all time low
I am not like other people but that does not mean I am special I always feel like a trash
I dont feel normal
I have stopped doing my hobbies
Should the Bible have not said that suicide is a sin I have died long ago...
So whats wrong with me? Any personality disorder or am I just to weak as a person?

 

You need to go back to your doctor who prescribed your medication and get back on them that doctor saw you had problems that is why you were given the medication.
Your parents they are in denial or cannot see but you know you need help so go back and get on the medication so you can start feeling better okay hugs I cannot diagnose only a doctor can do that so if it is a diagnosis you want please call him or her.

 

I dont have any social life Social anxiety
I am so afraid of being embarassed even a lil bit I feel paranoid Social anxiety
I keep on thinking about suicide since I was a child Depression
I avoid people and looking at them Social anxiety
I feel that I am unworthy to be happy or even to have my name be mentioned Probably depression
I have "strange" fetishes I suspect that most people with mental illness or messed up childhoods have strange fetishes. I've done polls, I've found no exceptions.
I am starting to hate women Love shyness - social anxiety combined with Western standards requiring men to make the first move; leads to bitterness towards women
I talk less ( I already talked less but it worse now) Social anxiety
My self confidence is at an all time low Social anxiety and depression
I am not like other people but that does not mean I am special I always feel like a trash Social anxiety
I dont feel normal Social anxiety and depression
I have stopped doing my hobbies Depression
Should the Bible have not said that suicide is a sin I have died long ago... Depression; also suicide isn't a sin, a benevolent God wouldn't force you to keep suffering

Get treatment for social anxiety and depression. Love shyness is the hardest thing to treat, unfortunately... I recommend anxiolytics, antidepressants, and group therapy.

 

The thing is my doctor thinks that I have ADHD which I think is inappropriate. She sees my problems as just me being lazy and just go to school (I had school problems then). The thing is even in front of a professional I can't have the courage to tell her everything. I don't trust people that much too cause my teacher once told another teacher and it started from there about me going to a psychologist even if I told her that keep it confidential. My parents keep on insisting that I'M FINE. HELL NO SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT!!! My grandparents think I'm just wasting money my cousins/aunts/relatives think that I was just spoiled as a kid. My classmates also think I'm cuckoo in the head. AND about suicide being a sin well I'm a Christian. God doesnt want me to suffer the thing is I have the problem its in me not in God. I'm also in a Christian forum searching for answers about my faith... Its fairly simple too there is always the concept of the next world in many religions so its not really an issue

 

I also dont understand why I always cry whenever i see cute animals even just a cartoon picture. Whenever I look at old teddy bears and other toys tears form in my eyes. I also feel like crying when I see happy little children dunno why... Even towards my so called "video game" friends (characters in an RPG game). It seems that I have something towards inaminate objects. Im starting to be more compassionate about animals/pets rather than towards other people. I really don't know what is causing this...

 

Well, you believe in a vile God, then.

The Christian God I've been taught about is merciful.

 

i don't quite understand what you mean. Why do you call the God that I believe vile?

 

If He wants you to suffer through depression for life and would punish you if you ended it, He is cruel, not benevolent.

Read Jesus' teachings honestly and thoroughly, you will find him to be merciful and kind, and if He can forgive a murderer, surely He can forgive a tortured soul ending his suffering.

 

The murderer can repent but If I end myself now I'll go straight to wherever I'll go... If it aint bad then... but it is not also good right?

 

So you're worse than a murderer in your mind?

 

I dont feel worse than a murderer its just that I thought that suicide was bad...

 

Because you've been misled. Read Christ's teachings, you'll feel better.

 

I was always bothered by having low self esteem but I don't know why the past few months I'm starting to feel fine and natural even if I think so low of myself. Is this good or what?

 

your doc gave you zoloft which is used to treat depression, panic attacks, obsessive compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, social anxiety disorder (social phobia), altho it can be used off label to treat other conditions so even if she said ADHD the meds are probably the ones she would have given you even if she said depression, anxiety etc. maybe go back alone and explain how you feel and try another med if the zoloft didnt work.

your parents seem to be in denial as another poster said...but they will need to face it. ignore what other family or people say...only you know how you feel and you need professional help.

:hug: