okay, want to go

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by White Dove, Jan 29, 2009.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    really want to go.

    read something made me very upset, really want to just go now..
  2. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hang in there Susan! :hug:
  3. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    oh my ...

    i believe there are angles here. I believe GOD told you to post.. i know that sounds stupid but i had plan that if no one posted to log off and end it right here right now and then i clicked for one more last time and there out of the blue was a post from you. you saved me tonight.. you really did... i was really going to end it, going to really do it...

    erm. i think i need to log off and pray to God right now..

    erm and thank you.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey White Dove,
    Just now saw your thread. You know That I would have replyed sooner if I could. You are my friend and I haven't given up hope that you will come to terms with your demons. I am always here for you and you know that. Why don't you PM me when you are ready and we will talk about it? Take care and be safe!!~Joseph~
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please don't give up white dove. :hug:
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    We all go through times that thoughts are stronger than others. You are letting too many things that bother you detrmine what you do. It can be an excuse to justify to yourself the fact that you want to take your life. Do you think it may be possible? At any rate, I am glad you are still around.
  7. pensive1981

    pensive1981 Well-Known Member

    Glad to see your reply came in under the wire. Next time, feel free to include such a deadline in your original post. :)

    But anyway, if you want to live - don't leave it to chance! Seems like you have some desire tucked away in there!
  8. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    stanger1 dave thank you.

    shadow a big thank you.

    gentlelady, do i think it may be possiable? if your meaning possiable i attempt and succeed, yes i think it might very well happen someday soon, do i think it possiable i am using an excuse? probably...if you mean letting to many things bother me? well yep i suppose thats also true. i take things way to heart to much.

    heck, i was told a little while ago that i was indeed my own worst enemy.. if im an enemy to myself then wouldnt it only be fair to get shed of the enemy? mainly myself? i was even told i need professional help, etc. well then how can one get that without insurance, these docs are not that cheap and i already own over $5000 hospital bill for the last suicide attempt and cant very well just walk into an ER and say hey im going to take my life.. sure they put me in a physic ward for 2 or 3 days ( 72 hours i think ) then turn around and charge me another 350 to $1000 just for going in there saying that. if its cause i have a chemical imbalance in my brain ( see that on TV many times ) and that a pill might help ity dont do no good if you cant afford it?:blink:

    yes, i have internet, been told well if you can afford internet then you can buy this or buy that. that is simply not true. the internet is my income, i make money by doing surveys online, sometimes i make around $100 profit which buys me food and sometimes i make just enough for the light bill phone bill, water bill, and car insurance.. and thats it.. thats my life.. i only made about $4000 last year total, and thats concidered self-employed, dont owe anything to the IRS, but i dont get anything back neither. i cant even do the E I C because i didnt physically work anywhere. i never even got a stimulas packet last year, because i didnt work. so you tell me what am i supposed to do?

    people often say im not trying to help myself, they are so quick to judge without thinking first. if they were in my place right now i wonder what they would do. apply for jobs? i do that but no one hires me, and the economy is so bad right now, they they are laying people off more then hiring them. heck i went and did an online course and just graduated but i cant even get a job because my stupid record has a class c felony on it because i messed up and trusted someone, didnt have the money to fight it so i plead guilty. you think people with felonys are all guilty, no they are not, most cant fight it and just plead guilty..

    consider for a minute you are an employee, you got people coming in and applying for a jobs. you look at this one file. its a 36 year old lady, she has

    1 - 1 class c felony

    2 - attempted suicide more then once

    3 - has cancer and a heart disease, on heart meds and takes nitro quick.

    you going to hire her? i look at it from the way they would look at it. if i hire this lady and she has a felony and has attempted suicide what if i hire her and she goes wacko and hurts another employee? and what if i hire her and she has a heart attack cause shes on heart meds and nitro? just put her in the file to throw away cause shed be a liability.. and thats me. im a liability..

    so i ask myself? was it really worth it to bring me back after my attempt? do you think you did me any favors?

    so gentlelady? give me some tips on what to do? how can i make my life better then what it is now? you can send it in a pm if you want or anyone? tell me how my life can get better?
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: Susan

    stay strong :hug:

    Don't give up. We are here for you x
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