I miss it. For so long it pulled me. And though it has long been laid to ground still it pulls me. Still I desire this thing I should have not for fear of it having me. For so long it was mine and it made me mine. It was not a cruelty or perversion. I swear it was not. To me— To me it was a kindness a lifeline. Each time a home coming. A bonding a grounding force when I knew I was close to spiraling out of reach. I was made to give it up bid without words never to speak of it. To make an accident of intent and vice of the least understandable virtue. My body remembers the words and lack of words writ upon it. My body remembers and they would have me pretend my mind does not. By removing what they thought the Mark of Cain they laid only comfort for themselves and removed one more roadblock my ailing mind had set up in the face of itself.