Ugh. So my past is a monster. A big, heavy thing that I always seem to be having to reconcile for one reason or another. About ten years ago my life was changed completely - in a way that allowed me to leave behind almost every single person from my past, and with them the necessity of dealing with the consequences of many bad choices. This went well as long as I met new people and kept forging new relationships. Most of them never really went anywhere, but that's okay - I don't want most people to know who I am to begin with, right? I mean, I'm empty and alone, sure, but safe. About a year ago, someone showed up who'd been gone from my life since the old days. I love this guy, and wouldn't pick anyone else in the world to be my oldest friend. He is my oldest friend. Needless to say, we've been through a lot together. I have hurt him and he has hurt me many times over, but true friendship endures. Through the women and the fighting and the alcohol and all that, I never stood anywhere that was more important than right beside this guy. So, it's fun to see him again, and hang out and do fun stuff like we used to. It's good to be here when he needs me, and it's good to have someone I can count on again. There's just one problem: he's turning out to be a horrible person to be with when I'm hurting this way. I've tried to tell him where I'm at now, and how hard it is for me, but apparently I'm not saying it right. I don't know what to do. We hang out and everything's fine until it gets late, and then he always makes a point to remind me of all the horrible things I've done. Listen, I know I'm a piece of shit. I know I will be shit just like most of us, and I'm okay with that. I'm not even averse to having someone remind me every so often that I am shit, but this is breaking my heart. He attacks me and says things in a hurtful manner as much as he can. I can, of course, argue all night if i want, and say hurtful things as well, but I don't want to. I figured if he could see me just listening, he wouldn't feel the need to attack me, but that's not how it's worked out. This last round of attacks was filled with untruths, and happened in front of other friends of mine, who he does not really know. I came home and locked myself in the house for 3 days, and hardly stopped crying. I know I can't be with him until something changes. I really want to talk about all this stuff, but he already resists that, and with the introduction of all the untruths the conversation just got about 10 times as difficult for me. I don't know how to handle it. I think I'm just gonna end up quietly taking this, or losing a friend. My oldest friend.