Old Friend

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by purls, Jul 27, 2010.

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  1. purls

    purls Member

    Ugh. So my past is a monster. A big, heavy thing that I always seem to be having to reconcile for one reason or another.

    About ten years ago my life was changed completely - in a way that allowed me to leave behind almost every single person from my past, and with them the necessity of dealing with the consequences of many bad choices. This went well as long as I met new people and kept forging new relationships. Most of them never really went anywhere, but that's okay - I don't want most people to know who I am to begin with, right? I mean, I'm empty and alone, sure, but safe.

    About a year ago, someone showed up who'd been gone from my life since the old days. I love this guy, and wouldn't pick anyone else in the world to be my oldest friend. He is my oldest friend. Needless to say, we've been through a lot together. I have hurt him and he has hurt me many times over, but true friendship endures. Through the women and the fighting and the alcohol and all that, I never stood anywhere that was more important than right beside this guy.

    So, it's fun to see him again, and hang out and do fun stuff like we used to. It's good to be here when he needs me, and it's good to have someone I can count on again. There's just one problem: he's turning out to be a horrible person to be with when I'm hurting this way. I've tried to tell him where I'm at now, and how hard it is for me, but apparently I'm not saying it right.

    I don't know what to do. We hang out and everything's fine until it gets late, and then he always makes a point to remind me of all the horrible things I've done. Listen, I know I'm a piece of shit. I know I will be shit just like most of us, and I'm okay with that. I'm not even averse to having someone remind me every so often that I am shit, but this is breaking my heart. He attacks me and says things in a hurtful manner as much as he can. I can, of course, argue all night if i want, and say hurtful things as well, but I don't want to. I figured if he could see me just listening, he wouldn't feel the need to attack me, but that's not how it's worked out. This last round of attacks was filled with untruths, and happened in front of other friends of mine, who he does not really know.

    I came home and locked myself in the house for 3 days, and hardly stopped crying.

    I know I can't be with him until something changes. I really want to talk about all this stuff, but he already resists that, and with the introduction of all the untruths the conversation just got about 10 times as difficult for me. I don't know how to handle it. I think I'm just gonna end up quietly taking this, or losing a friend. My oldest friend.
  2. lionsheart

    lionsheart Member

    Just tell him to forget about the past and start things all over again.
    If he doesn't listen to you, he is not your friend.

    Just don't fight back when he says that stuff. It leads you to nowhere
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sorry he is not your oldest friend he is not a friend at all anyone who brings pain up and throws it in you face is not a friend okay. Time to realize that let it go move on to new beginnings this so call friendship was over long ago
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Purls,
    I agree with Violet.,. Your friendship with this guy was over years ago.. He has changed and you don't deserve to talked about or down to... I think you would be better off with him out of your life.. You have other friends..Nuture those friendships.. Maybe you should talk to a therapist and keep that seperate from your friends..The therapist will teach you coping skills..
  5. purls

    purls Member

    I'm gonna talk to him, make sure there's no doubt about where I'm at, and give him a chance to talk to me. Obviously there's stuff he has held on to; stuff that I may have let go years back, and I at least want to know what is actually happening. I want a functional relationship with this person, and I am willing to work for it. I'm not just throwing 25 years out the window. Hell, closer to 35. It's just not that easy to turn my back on someone without giving them a chance to work it out. I've burned too many bridges that way.
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