Old Man?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by InnerStrength, Nov 22, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    I've always had this fear of getting older and becoming useless and pathetic. Then it dawned on me a short while ago, I'm already what I fear. If only I had the courage to off myself.

    life sucks.
  2. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Whats going on hun? :hug:
  3. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    ...Damn. That sucks. :-/

    Wish I had more to say. From reading your posts, you seem acutely aware, perceptive, and compassionate. I'm sure you deserve better than you're dealt.

    I understand how you feel, though, and I'm sorry you feel it. Sincerest best wishes go to you.

    Here if you'd like to talk :hug:
  4. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Thanks discarded. Oh, and I didn't mean that I am literally old (as in age) just in physical energy and health I feel old. I'm only 22.

    A (from what I've been told) good-looking face can't compensate for lack of self-esteem and severe depression. So I've thrown the cards I've been dealt away, sadly.

    I appreciate the offer to PM or whatever, not sure when that'll happen but thanks for the offer.
  5. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    You're quite welcome. Offer stands.

    I understand even more now, considering I feel much the same (feel old and useless and stuff, but am young in chronological age).

    And, yeah, the little shallow aspects can't compensate. However, maybe something can, eventually.

    If you have any strand of energy left, keep trying.

    If not, I hope you find your peace.

    Not to feed you shit or pretend I know more than I do, but things can always get better.
  6. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    But I don't want to have to compensate for anything, you know? I'm sure you feel the same way in the fact that you don't want to have to "compensate" for the problem, but would rather solve it.

    And yeah, I know things can always get better, but for some reason I avoid those situations because partly I'm afraid of change, or I fight against it when I can't avoid it. I think when I was socially isolated as a kid, that seed of bitterness sprouted inside me, and because of a kid's nature to extremely exaggerate things, it got out of control. I think.

    Also, I do want to try, because I know you can't grow as a person if you're dead (well, obviously). Really have nothing more to say atm, so I'll stop here.

    Oh, and, I hope if nothing else, you find your peace too.
  7. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    I would suppose compensation is better than nothing, but I see what you mean.

    Fair enough.

    Your theory makes sense. Just curious, but've you tried counseling? Maybe you need someone to guide you through and break down your issues until they're gone. And maybe only a certified person can do it by getting to the underlying problem.
  8. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    I had a therapist once, didn't work out because he was overly optimistic. Maybe I thought that he was unrealistic, or something. He said he could see me getting married, which is an example of how "overly optimistic" I thought he was being.

    I'm not sure if I should try out a different therapist or not. I've gotten to the point where I'd like to work on my problems without a professional. Seems more...normal, although I suppose alot of people see them nowadays so that's false thinking probably.

    I just wish I was smart enough to eventually guide myself through this problem. I know that it is mainly lack of exposure, but this thinking that everyone is judging me negatively makes it hard to get out there. I guess I just have to keep plowing ahead, or whatever...
  9. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    That's right. Not "or whatever."

    Just keep plowing ahead. :hug:

    But when push comes to shove, I think you try swallowing your insecurities and seeing a new psych.. Or, at least, it's an option you shouldn't rule out.
  10. SoulRiser

    SoulRiser Well-Known Member

    Yeah, not all shrinks are the same. Overly optimistic people can be annoying.... oops... I'm optimistic... sorry ... *cough* :D

    Well, if you don't like the status of your health, why not make it better? I was pretty annoyed with myself a few years back for letting me become unfit and fat, so I forced myself to get more exercise and eat less... and I'm OK now. It does wonders for morale, even if it's just something small and simple. It's still an achievement, and the little things do add up.
  11. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Some of my health problems are not immediately fixable, nor do they have clear solutions. I have nagging back pain which is supposedly caused by a small curvature in my spine (chiropractor didn't do much), I also have stomach issues. In any case, I'm trying to work on it.

    On a different topic..., more of a random thought..

    As far as "expressing" myself and my problems, the ironic thing is, I've been told I'm a "very talented" writer(not that I believe that, mind you), yet when it comes to actually expressing real life problems it stutters out with the sophistication of a brain-damaged child.

    Also, when people give me comments in that area (writing) it's almost an insult because that seems like all I've been doing is living inside my own head for god knows how long.

    It makes me horribly depressed sometimes because I wasted the unmatchable virility of my teenage years (I mean compared to any other age bracket), to live in some fantasy world. Now, I can barely turn this imagination of mine off which is especially detrimental because it abuses my interactions with other people.

    I would give up the last half of my life for 5 years of happiness. And that's the truth.
  12. SoulRiser

    SoulRiser Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear that :/
    Well, if you can't fix those, then work on what you can at least fix... I guess. I don't know much about these things, but a few people have said that if you strengthen the muscles in your back, it helps to make the pain go away. Of course, the process of exercising those muscles in the first place will hurt a bit (or a lot)... maybe do some research on that sort of thing?

    Some things are just very hard to express. There are a lot of things I would love to be able to explain to people, but somehow the words to describe them don't seem to exist, or at least, I can't find them or figure out how to put them in coherent sentences. That doesn't have much to do with writing ability on its own, I think.

    I did that too. I was so depressed at school that I created a fantasy world to live in so that I wouldn't have to deal with the people who treated me like dirt every day. I do sort of regret it now, but I didn't really know what else to do back then, so all I can do now is try to make up for it in some way.

    How does your imagination interfere with your interactions with other people?
  13. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Well, I didn't retreat into my fantasy world because people were treating me like dirt. Honestly, that didn't happen to me in highschool. I was homeschooled for a few years prior to that, and I think that social isolation made me develop my over-active imagination. As a result, I was extremely quiet during that period.

    As far as how my imagination screws up my interactions with people...well, mainly I over-analyze the smallest details when dealing with people and it drives me crazy most of the time. I mean, it seems that most people I know like me to some degree, and it's mainly the ones that I barely know that I have the most trouble talking to or feeling comfortable around. But, on even a wider scale, all interactions bother me to a certain point.
  14. SoulRiser

    SoulRiser Well-Known Member

    Do you mean you overanalyze things and come to paranoid conclusions? Like thinking people are plotting to screw you over or something like that?

    I'm not overly comfortable talking to people I don't know very well either. I'm ... well, not really totally comfortable around anyone in particular, but it's not due to overanalyzing... although, maybe it is. I always worry that I might be annoying a person if I talk to them too much or bother them for too long. I do that to overcompensate for when I used to do the exact opposite... :p
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.