I have logged in for the first time in XX years and everything is so radically different. I used to be very active here. In time I grew away from SF for my own wellbeing. But XX years later, nothing in my life seems to have changed. I've been in therapy and made progress in some things. I've held down jobs. I've worked in the mental health field. I now work outside of mental health as I thought that may help me get away from these negative thoughts. I've done quite well for myself materially. On a CV I look like my life is sorted. But I'm 37, single and deeply unhappy. Tomorrow I am going to resign from my job as it's causing me too much stress. I don't have a job to go to. There have been times in my life when I've seen glimmers of hope. Hope that I could function in this world. But time after time things remind me these are unachievable dreams. I used to belong here. I used to have purpose and hope. Now all I can see is <insert graphic image of my suicide here>. I'm empty and hopeless. This post doesn't even give details of why this has come about, because quite frankly who would read it or care. My hope is that if someone goes through my internet history they'll come across this post and get a brief inkling of how unhappy I feel.