Old Member Returns, Suicidal

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jenny, May 2, 2016.

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  1. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    I have logged in for the first time in XX years and everything is so radically different. I used to be very active here. In time I grew away from SF for my own wellbeing.

    But XX years later, nothing in my life seems to have changed. I've been in therapy and made progress in some things. I've held down jobs. I've worked in the mental health field. I now work outside of mental health as I thought that may help me get away from these negative thoughts. I've done quite well for myself materially. On a CV I look like my life is sorted.

    But I'm 37, single and deeply unhappy. Tomorrow I am going to resign from my job as it's causing me too much stress. I don't have a job to go to. There have been times in my life when I've seen glimmers of hope. Hope that I could function in this world. But time after time things remind me these are unachievable dreams.

    I used to belong here. I used to have purpose and hope. Now all I can see is <insert graphic image of my suicide here>. I'm empty and hopeless. This post doesn't even give details of why this has come about, because quite frankly who would read it or care. My hope is that if someone goes through my internet history they'll come across this post and get a brief inkling of how unhappy I feel.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Jenny i hear you please keep talking to us i too have had to give up my career because of depression feeling hopeless I found SF at the lowest part of my life and somehow i am still here. Please know that you are important and you can see that glimmer of hope again you can just i understand that the dam sadness does not let you believe that. Hope you reach out to your doctor ok don't give in to the hopeless feelings of despair reach out and get that help ok Keep talking and reaching out here as well it does help as it let you know you are not alone.
     
  3. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Jenny I am sorry you are feeling like you do. I too left my job 4 months ago because of stress, have a small pension, no insurance. It has been tough because I now feel I have no purpose or reason to carry on yet for some reason I continue to try to.
    You will also
     
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Hi Jenny, I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling.

    You've done a lot in your life already, and wow! That is amazingly done. No one can take that away from you.
    Maybe you still need some therapy to help you move on? What about medication? Maybe these things will make a job easier for you to manage?

    Please don't hurt yourself. Get some help instead. You are important and you matter!
     
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Hey Jenny. I'm glad to see a familiar name, but sorry the reason you've come back is that you're feeling so bad. Just want you to know I care.
     
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