Old old new.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Gina, Jun 10, 2010.

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  1. Gina

    Gina Member

    I've OD twice over the years. And, I hope it is allowed to say here, years ago I decided <mod edit: *sparkle* : methods>. It wasn't in the heat of the moment thing, only that when I was OK it was found out that I had them.
    The second one did turn into a big deal in that I was out of state in hosp. and it had to be negociated with my family to get rid of it.
    I feel that I need to learn how to live with having one, because other wise my thought would always turn to getting one. I've had my third one for 5 yrs. and let my old doc know a couple of times and that I needed to learn to live with it. I don't know if he was trying to build trust with me or know I would get another, but he never said anything about it.
    Now I've chosen not to say anything about it to my new therapist. But for some reason I keep bringing it up as something I can't tell her about, so I guess a part of me as I'm struggling now wants to tell her, but I'm really conflicted about it. I know I would be angry with myself for telling her, and would likely be in the situation of thinking about getting another until I got a forth one. It sucks and I hate not being honest with her and feel like an idiot for bringing up the thing I can't tell her about.
    Family and friends who knew about the first and/or second ones have never asked me if I have another one. No one really wants to know.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 10, 2010
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm not really clear on what "it" is that is haunting you. But I'd have to say that it really is eating you up. To the point that you want and need to talk to someone about it. But in a way to protect yourself, you cant quite bring yourself to disclose it fully to your therapist. It's so damn hard sitting on the fence that way. You want help but yet afraid to talk about "it" because it may mean loosing "it". You probably find some comfort in knowing that "it" is there, near by, if you should ever need it again. To think about
    "it" not being there brings almost a panic?

    Instead of talking about "it" why dopnt you try another approach. Talk about what it is that "it" gives you. Makes you feel stronger, weaker, more confident, more secure? And maybe ask for substitutions for "it". Maybe find and work on some coping skills?

    I know not very good advice. Just want to let you know, someone else knows you're suffering with this issue. You're not alone. :arms:
     
  3. Gina

    Gina Member

    Oh thank you. It is great advice and has given me something to think about.
    The 'it', can't be mentioned because it is against the rules, but I really appreciate you taking the time to see what I was saying. Thanks again:-o
     
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    amazing advice...I can't say more except I hear your pain and you are not alone here...please keep posting..
     
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