i first started self harming at about 11 years old. By 13 years old i was seriously into it and could not stop, i finally stopped at age 16. Ive recently started again badly, and started drinking again. I know i can stop doing it but i just dont want too. Its a release from the pain i am given everyday recently, instead of before of just getting on with what was bothering me, ive once again turned to the knife, and the drink, im not so much wanting advice or anything as there cant be much advice to be had. I just really wanted to let it out and hopefully a few people understand what i mean. Im not in a desperate state just instead of doing the obvious thing and stop cutting cause i know that i can .... im not stopping because im becoming addicted to how self harm feels :mellow: .. its just numbing the pain for me at the moment, i know i should stop ... but i dont want too .. without cutting im just mellow, boring and depressing ... once i cut im fine on the outside. Argh i dunno :\. I know this cant be helped at all ... just hoping someone is going/been through this phase ? ... Thanks for listening.