Older man crisis

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ShalenaM, Jul 12, 2007.

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  1. ShalenaM

    ShalenaM Well-Known Member

    I have liked a man named..I don't want to reveal his name..but, I have liked him for 3 years now going on 4 and he is 29 years older than me.. I am 17 years old and have liked him since I was 14. He was married at the time..but he would stare at me all the time in church..I came to find out that he thought I was hott..He told me I was hott in a email that I wrote to him..the thing is..he goes to my church and I am so obsessed with him and can't let go of him..He's divorced now with 2 small kids..4 and 2..:unsure:

    Now, he lies to me about small stuff that he did concerning me..I feel treated so unfairly..His ex-wife is now 23 going on 24..he must've married her when she was 18 because they didn't have kids until AFTER they were married and now the oldest is almost 4 ifn ot 4 already...Like I said, I am obsessed with this dude and can't let him go..When he says som,ething to me I don't like, I go drink this stuff that I mixed together..Its mixed with cool-aid and nailpolish..I'm very suicidal..I told him I wasn't anymore so he wouldn't feel weird about me..but I love him and am obsessive!..I don't know what to do..HELP!! My gps don't know about this..and if they find out...I will commit suicide!!:mad: I can't talk to any1 at my church about him..because it is considered gossip..and they will go back and tell my gps..! I need major help..

    Plus I"m not allowed to date..
  2. Cybrsk8r

    Cybrsk8r Well-Known Member

    Well, I guess the one thing that struck me from your post was that you say he must've married his first wife when she was 18. Sounds like he was looking at you as her replacement. The problem is, he'll probably replace you when you get to be her age. You don't deserve that. You should be loved for who you are, not how young you are, or how hot you are.
  3. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    A 43 year old man staring at a fourteen year old in church and calling her hot is a bit disturbing.
  4. Deathly Strike

    Deathly Strike Well-Known Member

    That's exactly what I was thinking.

    Honey, please be really careful about what you do. This man may appear to be kind and gentle on the outside, but the point we're trying to get across is this - a 43-year old man staring at a young teenager is somewhat worrying and disturbing. Just please, be really careful about the choices you make and whatnot.
  5. markc

    markc Active Member

    True, but what about a 51 year-old, married man in love with a 23 year-old, single woman, who doesn't feel the same way about him? Is that also disturbing?
  6. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    Markc, in my personal opinion I would say that it's a just bad thing for a married man to covet someone else. One should break off one relationship before loving someone else in a sexual sense. Nothing disturbing about it. The age gap is a bit big, but she is a matured lady unlike the other story shared in this thread.
  7. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Well, firstly the age difference is huge but that doesn't mean you two can't be together. Also I think you should be very careful in dealing with this. Like mentioned earlier. He might just being using you as a rebound or as a replacement. Also he may just like you for your age and your attractiveness.

    Someone should be liked for who they are...whats in their heart.
  8. ShalenaM

    ShalenaM Well-Known Member

    Thank you for all of your answers and I've decided what im going to do..If I can hold on to my plans..I like older men in general..but I have decided to atleast be old enough to get married before searching for a guy anyways..thanks guys for everything..:smile:
  9. markc

    markc Active Member

    Well, that IS the accepted social norm in this county (USA). However, my wife and I have two polyamorous "groups" among our friends (one is two men and one woman, the other is two women and one man). They seem to all be happy in their "non-traditional" relationships. Also, my wife knows about this other woman. She (my wife) also knows that I don't love her less, and that I'll never leave her.

    It's simply that I can't get this other woman out of my mind. She knows how I feel about her, and might even reciprocate, if it weren't for the fact that she's already in another physical relationship with a man (her age) who is also a very good friend of mine. She (the young woman) simply doesn't want to try anything that isn't "monogamous" at this time and I don't know where that leaves me.

    I suppose the upside is that I'm trying to work things out right now, rather than attempting another "final exit". I'm seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist, both of whom seem to be helping me. I'm also having the psychiatrist try switching my anti-depression meds around to see if that will help.

    Right now, I still can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm starting to believe that, some day, I will.


    - Mark
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