Omfg..

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lostbutnotfound, May 17, 2011.

  1. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    This has been one of the worst days in my life. I am such an emotional wreck right now, and I don't know what to do. At the end of last year, I had a distressing encounter with someone I met from here. I'm not sure if I am allowed to post this, and if not please delete this thread, but that person, due to other issues, was banned. Although many people told me I was right to take the action I took, I was filled with guilt and fear. But I tried to move on. I came back to this site, and learned to trust, as much as I could anyway. I met some amazing people. I tried to forget about what happened last year, although I never rid myself of the belief that what happened was my fault. The past couple of days it has blown up in my face. And the emotion I felt in the past few months that I bottled up have all come flooding to the surface. Because of what has happened today in regards to the person who I encountered end of last year, I feel I have no choice but to kill myself. I have spoken to one of my mental health workers, and told them the full story, which I haven't told anyone IRL and barely anyone online, and they have told me I was abused by the person. I find it hard to believe, and am convinced I am an awful person, and that the best thing to do is to end my life. My worker told me that I was preyed on, and that I took the right action, and that I have done nothing wrong, but I can't get rid of this guilt that I attempted to suppress for so long. I think at the end of last year I didn't deal with it emotionally, and right now I am dealing with it, because of the most recent encounter. Even if I didn't do anything wrong, I am still stupid for falling into the trap and allowing myself to be emotionally abused. I don't know why I'm writing this. I feel like I am teetering on the edge, and on top of the way I felt anyway, this stuff is too much. I need to know that I am not this awful, horrible person. But even when people tell me that, I don't believe it. I don't know how to keep myself safe tonight. I don't know how to stop the thoughts, or the tears. I'm frightened. I'm broken.

    I hope I am allowed to write about this, as I said if I am not, please just delete. I'm sorry.
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry that you had this happen.
    If we banned the person concerned then we obviously thought he/she had abused both yourself and the forum.
    So nowhere here do I see this being anyone's fault but the person who was banned.
    Please stop beating yourself up over this.
    The matter was dealt with as it should be, with the abuser being removed.
    You have nothing to be ashamed of. :hug:
     
  3. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your words. I know the matter was dealt with, and am grateful for the way it was handled. And I probably would have been able to keep it bottled up without it causing too much damage if I hadn't had a reminder, plus more 'abuse' via other forms of communication, from this person recently. I just am at a loss of how to deal with it now, when I didn't expect this to come back to haunt me 6 months later. That's the bit that is getting me the most, the fact I thought all that was over, but ... meh, I don't know. Thank you again :hug:
     
  4. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    **HUG** for you
    think i can relate, but hope not.
    xxxxx
     
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Can you not block/delete this person from all your communications?
     
  6. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    hope it is easier for op...but not always as easy as blocking if they are seriously warped and seriously psycho :(
     
  7. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    I've blocked them from everything I can, but *Kali* is right, this person is very warped and disturbed. They gained my trust before doing what they did, and we were friends beforehand, which makes it all the more difficult and complicated. Plus there are other issues within the situation which I can't really post about.. sigh. I wish things were simpler. I wish I wasn't so damn stupid.

    Thanks Terry :hug:
    Thanks *Kali* xxxxx
     
  8. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    **hugs**

    my heart goes out to you sweetie.
    I can relate
     
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You don't harm you because of this person you are not the one that is in the wrong you don't give that person any power okay if that person continues to mentally assault you call the cops i would. Maybe if you get cops after this person they will smarten up and leave you alone. restraint order even hugs to you
     
  10. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    I am not even the slightest bit familiar with what went on last year. I have only been here since February 2011.

    I have never seen anything from you that would lead me to think that you are a bad person, and much less a horrible person. You have always seemed to be a good person, and a great human being.

    Until this passes, and it will, keep talking to people. Talk in real life to real life friends and/or family. You can also continue to talk to people here. I am available for you to talk to. You can always send me a PM. Click Here if you need to.

    :hug: to you.
     
  11. spiritxfade

    spiritxfade Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you have to go through all this, but like others have said- it's not your fault. You don't need to feel guilty. And, while I don't know you, I'm sure you're not an awful person.

    I hope things get better for you, and I hope you manage to maneuver out of this situation with that person. I don't really know what happened, so I can't really give any suggestions...sorry.

    :hug: