This has been one of the worst days in my life. I am such an emotional wreck right now, and I don't know what to do. At the end of last year, I had a distressing encounter with someone I met from here. I'm not sure if I am allowed to post this, and if not please delete this thread, but that person, due to other issues, was banned. Although many people told me I was right to take the action I took, I was filled with guilt and fear. But I tried to move on. I came back to this site, and learned to trust, as much as I could anyway. I met some amazing people. I tried to forget about what happened last year, although I never rid myself of the belief that what happened was my fault. The past couple of days it has blown up in my face. And the emotion I felt in the past few months that I bottled up have all come flooding to the surface. Because of what has happened today in regards to the person who I encountered end of last year, I feel I have no choice but to kill myself. I have spoken to one of my mental health workers, and told them the full story, which I haven't told anyone IRL and barely anyone online, and they have told me I was abused by the person. I find it hard to believe, and am convinced I am an awful person, and that the best thing to do is to end my life. My worker told me that I was preyed on, and that I took the right action, and that I have done nothing wrong, but I can't get rid of this guilt that I attempted to suppress for so long. I think at the end of last year I didn't deal with it emotionally, and right now I am dealing with it, because of the most recent encounter. Even if I didn't do anything wrong, I am still stupid for falling into the trap and allowing myself to be emotionally abused. I don't know why I'm writing this. I feel like I am teetering on the edge, and on top of the way I felt anyway, this stuff is too much. I need to know that I am not this awful, horrible person. But even when people tell me that, I don't believe it. I don't know how to keep myself safe tonight. I don't know how to stop the thoughts, or the tears. I'm frightened. I'm broken. I hope I am allowed to write about this, as I said if I am not, please just delete. I'm sorry.