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right now i feel like giving up. I feel like everything i do will never be good enough for anyone. my mom called me tonight, bitching me out about me being depressed and cutting and stuff like that. Well she told me that the next time i cut it better be deep enough because she doesnt want to listen to my shit anymore. right now thats what i feel like doing..
For someone that doesn't have depression or cope by using self harm, it can be very scary. Especially for parents. When we don't know how to help our kids, we feel so powerless and sometimes (without thinking) we'll fall back on what we did with you guys when you were young. "Stop it or else".... it's not the best thing in the world for us to say, but sometimes it's all we know how to do. So maybe your mom is just really scared.
i am so sad right now. not so much on the suicidal side but getting really close to it. been crying, a lot lately. feeling hopeless and feeling like i really shouldnt be here right now. i've been upsetting myself so much lately that i have been throwing up. cant keep food down. barely can drink water. but i am staying hydrated the best that i can. every day i start to feel worse. like, life is slowly but painfully being sucked out of me.
sometimes my mother is very supportive.. and helps me get better.. and sometimes she goes crazy.. and shouts.. and throws things away.. and sometimes i thing she's gonna hit me.. sometimes she breaks down and cry..
i think it's just too hard for her to see a son in so much pain..
i don't really think your mom means what she said.. you have to understand her.. even if you're the one who has to be understood..
I'm not a parent, but I'm guessing that the most painful thing for a mother is to see their child in pain. They would gladly take it on themselves if they could. So she probably has very mixed feelings when you harm yourself. She's sad and hurting, but at the same time she is angry at you for doing it to yourself. So try to be patient with her and understand it is coming from a place of love. Next time she says something about it, you could always just tell her you tripped
No, Im sure thats not what she means..She doesnt want me..she could care less about me..she left me home alone until my dad finally moved in almost a year later..she could care less about me..so why not do it? Nobody will miss me? My family sure as hell wont. They could care less what happens to me
I'm sorry you feel that way But regardless of how she really feels, you should not let other people define what you yourself are worth as a human being. You have value just by being here on this Earth and that is something that no-one can change.
I hope you can stop cutting. I too have a family that trivializes feelings sometimes. Know that it's unintentional and this is the way some people cope with adversity. It does not mean they don't care, they just don't know how to express their emotions. I think it's a way of guarding themselves against vulnerability.