Omg

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by *dilligaf*, Sep 2, 2007.

  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg

    i want to do something SO badly. i been drinking. we been drinking either. we made a deal tonight to try to quit cutting together. want to do so fucking much more than that right now. shes drunk, bit like me, shes asleep next to me. cant wake her up. i would feel bad. i tried keeping her awake and she still fell asleep. how easy would it be to walk out right now....SO FUCKING easy. i could do it right this minute, i WANT to do it right this minute. end this pain, end this hurt, end this paraonia, end this grief, end this fucking fucked up life :cry:
     
  2. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug: Sam, you can do this, you can resist the urge hun..Just, what's going on?
     
  3. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    If you feel this bad I'm sure Vikki wouldn't mind if you woke her, she'd most likely prefer that than to wake up and see you've self harmed, especially after the promises etc made earlier this evening.
     
  4. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    i dont know
    how sad is that
    i want to be with her, she died, i want to go too. was my fault. i should have gone instead of her. she wanted to live, the cancer took her. i want to die and cant.
    live isnt fair
    my family keep pushing me
    friends dont care
    i drink loads because it makes me feel better,.....but then it makes me feel worse
    havent had any A/D's in like two weeks cos i took an OD of them
    need to get away, need to escape, need to ......
     
  5. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    i dont want to self harm..........
     
  6. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Sam, Vikki will not mind if you wake her up, she'll probably be glad.. :hug:
     
  7. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    shes drunk
     
  8. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    So..Sam, she'll be glad you woke her up instead of doing something.
     
  9. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    hold on
    imasay her name once if she dont wake up im leaving her
    ps im drnk sorry about the typing
     
  10. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    no answer
    im downatairs
    so close to door
    so close to going
    omg i feel bad
    omg i dont know whats wrong
     
  11. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug: Sam, please, wake Vikki up, she won't mind..
     
  12. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    i give up
    cant, dont want to, too tired, crying, hurts so much
    no more
     
  13. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Same goes for suicide. Actually, that would be worse on vikki don't you think? Wake her up hun, for both of your sakes.
     
  14. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    shes upstairs im downstairs i text her. if she dont ome down its fate a
     
  15. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Sam, please, for god's sake, wake Vikki up.
     
  16. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

  17. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    vikkis here
    sorry bout hat
    sorry]sorry[sorry
     
  18. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Don't apologize..Glad you woke her up. :hug: Stay safe.
     
  19. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Thanks guys. I did end up waking up. Saw Sam wasn't next to me and then came down stairs. Says she was just about to go find some shoes and go out. Glad i came down when i did. She's upstairs fast asleep right now.

    Sam, if you bad you NEED to to tell me, your always having a go at me for not talking to you when i'm feeling bad, the more you talk to me, the more i'll be able to talk to you hun. I can't help unless you tell me.

    Come on baby, you know your Nan would want you safe. Think about your Dad, he loves you to pieces, he does ANYTHING you want because he loves you so damn much and to be honest i think he does what you ask him because he's so bloody scared of loosing you. He lost someone he considers his mum and then he lost John in the space of....... what like 2 weeks? Thats his brother and a mother to him gone. He's not gonna cope without you and you know it. Look how badly your Mum's doing right now. Seeing Don in that home is killing her, remember how down she looked when we was coming back to London and you got her those flowers???? How the hell she gonna cope with loosing her mother and her daughter?? Shes like your Dad, does anything you want because shes scared to lose you and TRUST me she is petrified. Look how badly i'm taking Miriam's murder, how the hell you think ima be able to take loosing you like that?? you know i wouldn't cope hun.

    Remember how good you felt after burning that letter over her grave?? I saw what it did to you, you smiled when the letter was burning. Even got up and told me and Grant that you felt happy. Why don't you write her another one? You said what i came up with was a good idea, yeah? I personally think you should do it more often and use it as a release and a way to kinda 'talk' to your Nan.

    I love you and don't wanna loose you. I'm doing my best here darling, why you think i being doing all these random good things for you?? It's because i wanna cheer you up and show you that you are loved ....... a great deal.

    :rose: <<<<<< another rose for ya but this time its a virtual one :eek:hmy: :bleh:

    ps. Thank you Res and Jess for looking after Sam while she was in a bad way. I appreciate it a lot and somewhat owe you for doing what you did.
     
  20. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    thank u jess :hug:
    thank u res :hug:
    thank u liam :hug:

    i am so sorry for last night. i havent been that bad for a long long time. thank you for listening to me and helping me.

    vikki, hey baby. im sorry for last night. and thanku for waking up when you did!! I'll talk to you about everything you said when we are alone later. and thanks for another rose. love you xx