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On a downer

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Life is so pointless to me right now. I never took life seiously so no one ever took me seriously, I fell like a real joke. Ive been all talk and no action for a couple years now and I think Im a fraud. Life is just up and down, up and down,. It really sucks living this way, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IF I HAD A WELCOME MAT FOR A FATHER AND A PUSHOVER FOR A MOM. Im full of anger and hate and it scares the hell out of me sometimes. Im so deep into my own problems that friends get farther and farther away from me. My life is falling apart and im watching myself go crazy without beijng able to do anything. If I had a gun right now Id shoot myself in the stomach and bleed to death. Can someone answer this: How do you help yourself when youve lost your will to live?
If you do help yourself, is that life worth living knwing all the work that has to be done to get healthy?
Somebody put me out of my misery
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