On a knifes edge and just want to end it all

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by **The_End_Is_Nigh**, Nov 1, 2010.

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  1. Hi all, hope you are all well?!

    I am feeling so suicidal at the moment and would love to just end it all right now. I hate myself for typing all of this as every time I go onto a forum a part of me shouts out for crying out loud people stop moaning and improve your life! But if you are in a situation like I am of course you will moan as you can not improve your life unless you move to another country or city or even better abroad to have a fresh new start in life, screw all the dangers and what if’s!

    Every day my life seems like a repeat on tv. I wake up in the morning go into town waste time in the Library playing games on my laptop as cannot concentrate on anything else, go to Coffee Shops to waste more time and also sometimes have nice long power walks as have a torn chest muscle so cannot do much else at the moment.

    It has been 6 months and I am still doing this boring daily routine but I cannot change it unless I become a recluse again and spend the rest of my life in a room. My life has always sucked big time as my family never loved or respected me including the woman who gave birth to me and my father treated me like dirt! I live with my mother’s grandparents as she did not want me to be adopted damn it!!:-(

    I still live with my grandparents but wish I could start a new life somewhere else to get rid of my family and the boring city and country that I live in but I have no G.C.S.E’s or employment history so I am screwed when it comes to earning a nice amount of money somewhere else so I might as well become a porn star or just go to the pearly gates now!! I have seen all mental health practitioners and my doctor but all they can say is think more positively and keep taking the SSRI tablets to make you feel better.

    But they do not get rid of the bloudy problem so I have stopped taking them as they do not improve my life or wellbeing!!!! I swear god only put me on this earth so he can have a good laugh and torment me and so I would love to get my own back and see him face to face!! That is how I am feeling!

    Kind Regards, **The_End_Is_Nigh**
  2. How can people be so happy when life is crumbling around them?? I am such a loner!!
  3. Thats another thing no one gives a F*CK about me:sigh::sigh::sigh::sigh:
  4. Good bye cruel world **The_End_Is_Nigh** is DEAD!!
  5. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Hi there
    Your not a loner.
    I give a fuck about you,i read your first post and could relate to so much in it.
    Im here if you want to talk:smile:
    I hope you come back
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 1, 2010
  6. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    **hugs** for you.

    You are not alone...many ppl here have felt similarly to what you are feeling right now. Hopefully you can connect with a few of them :hug: might be good to keep talking...just dump your thoughts and feelings...doesn't have to make sense. No judgments here. sometimes it takes more than just meds. sometimes it takes more than just intellectualizing things. sometimes the pain is so great we just need to be held or find a way to escape it or find temporary relief from it.

    would things be better if you could get a place of your own or with a roomie? can you take a small job for now to help get you out of there?

    Sometimes we can create our own family...a family built around people who love, respect, and care about us. doesn't have to be blood relatives. All sorts of folks out there needing, looking for, and creating their own families.

    I'm not so good at giving support at the moment but just wanted you to know i heard you and my heart goes out to you.

    i feel about the same way, about the universe/god/whatever at the moment.
  7. Hi *Kali*

    Many thanks for the hugs (hugs you back:cloud9:) I needed them. Yeah I hope I will connect with people on here who feel similarly to what I do soon. Thanks for the offer but moaning does not seem to be for me. You can say that again about the meds as they made me feel like a zombie and basically stirred up my Anxiety, Depression, OCD and Stress unfortunately. I would love to escape from pain rather then having to deal with it 24/7! I did have temporary relief from pain by watching dvd’s, playing games and online games, collecting stuff, swimming and the gym but the pain soon comes back it is like a tumour it won’t go away argh!!

    I have tried looking for a place to rent or share for 4 years but they are either too expensive or are in the wrong areas darn it. I would love to get a small job and tried in the past but I always got rejected so I gave up in the end but if you have a small miracle job for me I will take it!;-) this is why I want to kill myself because in the eyes of the world I am a loser and was meant to stay as a recluse. My friends seem to ditch me every 9 months plus so I doubt I will have any luck in that department.

    No worries many thanks for posting me a lovely post and also trying to keep me sane with some good advice but as you can see above my life keeps on jumping from the frying pan into the fire, if my life was like a game I would be dead 100 times on level 1! To be honest the way that the world is going I think that everyone else thinks that the whole universe/god/whatever has it in for them. I hope you find your path to happiness.
  8. DeepEmz

    DeepEmz Well-Known Member


    Have you tried signing on at the job centre for some help finding a job?

    Your not a loser by no means, life is just cruel and throws things into our lifes which we dont know how to deal with. I for one find myself in a state of confusion about life, my purpose.

    Feel free to PM xx
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