on and off thoughts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by username12, Sep 12, 2011.

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  1. username12

    username12 Member

    over the last year and abit things have only got worse.
    i have depression, and its getting worse, over the last year i have found it very difficult to find the fun, good sides of life, and i have been putting up with suicidal thoughts for awhile.
    now i am in a state where i am either really depressed, and sometimes want to end my life. and other times when i dont understand why i would even think of doing it. these diffrent moods seem to change more and more as each day goes past.
    this is really starting to have a huge impact on my life, i dont feel like doing anything, and i dont even go to social events anymore, i dont see the point.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you call your doctor okay tell him or her how you are feeling get on medication to help decrease the darkness the sadness it does help hun
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It sounds llike your bipolar..Check with a pdoc.. Tell him everything,. If you are bipolar they have meds that help wiyh it,.
  4. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    I think bipolar is alot more complex than a mood change swifting from suicidal thoughts to wondering why you ever thought such a thing.

    Everytime I have a bad flare with my health, I become suicidal. Otherwise I'm not depressed, but I'm not what you'd call happy either..

    Went from being suicidal weeks ago, and now I'm signing up for college courses... I'm smart enough to know I may never be able to work, but I still want to try.

    Does that make me bipolar? Should hope not.

    Maybe I fail to understand this disorder, but I thought you get extreme highs and extreme lows, I have never had an extreme high episode of happiness. I also don't go off doing risky things that could put myself in harms way. Don't speed talk. Don't engage in sexual activity. Don't blow all my money when I know I'd need it for bills.. Well not always, lol.. And I sure as hell don't have thoughts of killing someone else.. That is how I see bipolar disorder. The people I have met or known that have this, have talked about killing their own children.

    I think it's a mixure of being suicidal and homocidal, correct me if I'm wrong.
  5. username12

    username12 Member

    i honestly dont want to go see doctor or tell anyone,
    i fear that my family will find out, and the last thing i want to do is have them worried about me.
    i am a failure, so times i just want to end it all, i have been putting up with these feelings for a year now... and nothing has got better, if anything its got worse, i feel so isolated, what is the point in living if theres nothing good to ever look forward to.
    honestly, i have come close to attempting, but the thought of how selfish it would be and the effect it would have on my family just wont let me.

    i am a type of person that finds explain myself very difficult, so even if i was to try to get the currage and convidence to seek help, i doubt i would be able to express how i feel to anyone.

    i have just given up, i dont see any hope for the future, all i see is depression, missary, and lonelyness.
  6. musicalpsycho

    musicalpsycho Active Member

    Hey, I've been battling suicidal thoughts for nearly a year and thinking about my family's kept me going too. You should tell them how you feel though because they're your family, and they're meant to look after you and help you. It's part of their job to be worried. Then you can get help and things will start to get better. Your doctor can refer you to a psycho-therapist or something similiar or prescribe you anti-depressants which will make things feel better hopefully. If you have trouble expressing yourself, write down (maybe in bullet points) what you want to say exactly then you can adjust it before telling people. Often I find that things seem pointless but keep that thought of your family with you, it'll survive most lows.
  7. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    Now how do you know there is nothing good to ever look forward to, don't tell me your a psychic, because if your not, you don't know that. None of us knows what our future holds. I feel like a failure too, laying around for 14 years letting a disease kick my ass, not exactly my fault, but I still feel a bit pathetic. There is no reason to think the worst, when you don't know how your life will end up. You'll just drive yourself crazy doing that..

    Therapy isn't all that bad. I'm a bit on the shy side and it doesn't bother me. They do alot of talking and ask alot of questions, and give advice, so I'm not the one that has to keep the conversation going. But as far as spilling my gutts, I have no problem with that. You could just tell the therapist that your not really good about opening up. You don't have to tell your family if your going to therapy, unless they are the one's driving you there. I am glad to here you love them enough that you don't want to hurt yourself. Must be good people if you feel that way.
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    But if you got on meds, then maybe things will get better and your family will have nothing to worry about in the future. Sometimes depression is progressive. It feeds and snowballs. But the right meds can really help. Eventually they will notice. Or perhaps they do now and may not be saying anything. So why not just get on something to stabalize things? Then not only will your family not have anything to worry about, but you will be feeling better. Believe me, I know all too well the excruciating pain and isolation of depression. Its huge. And yes, it does feed on itself making things worse and worse. But it doesnt have to get worse. I hope you can call the doctor. And get some meds. they really can be a saving grace :hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles:
  9. eagles_fan

    eagles_fan Well-Known Member

    I think everyone here has had the same kinds of feelings. You've got to give yourself a reason to live.

    Also, there's absolutely nothing wrong with seeking help. It's very important to note that there's nothing wrong with seeing a professional, like a counselor or a therapist. The social stigma surrounding that is idiotic. There are very capable people seeing help for their mental health. I've seen a counselor before. It's nothing. Plus no one really needs to know, outside of your family.

    It's also very important to be detailed. It's like writing a paper. You can't let anyone know what's really going on if you keep it all in your mind. Details are important. Try to formulate what's troubling you in your head and then let it all out.

    You might also want to consider reading this.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 13, 2011
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