I notice many health professionals and non-professionals point to how our "loved ones" will feel should we go through with our suicidal thoughts. It is an effective leverage but it also more guilt, which is why I'm thinking about ending things in the first place. Some would suggest I am a coward for contemplating leaving this world...more guilt. That's what I need to feel guilty about feeling bad about myself to the point of wanting to kill myself. Basically people are suggesting that I stick around because the other people in my life, who seem to be doing fine right now, will feel terrible pain if I leave. Basically I have to live with my terrible pain so they continue to have happy oblivious lives. Plus if I decide to leave, I'm a coward and my spirit will go to some horrific place to suffer for all eternity because I checked out early. Murders and rapists get to bask in the arms of the almighty because they repent, but because I'm dead before there is an opportunity for redemption I go straight to hell no matter how I feel about it after. Guilt is a powerful weapon. People have used it all through my life to get me to do whatever they want and now they use it to chain me to this horrible useless existence on the off chance that those in my life will suddenly be unhappy by my passing, or God almighty will burn my flesh for all eternity or feed me to demons, because I was going through hell and could take anymore in life. Does that seem a little messed up to anyone? Here is the thing. Despite all of those awful terrible things that may happen to those who know me and the possibility of being served up on Lucifer's buffet table, I'm still thinking about leaving this ridiculously judgmental and crappy world. What does that tell you about the world in which we live? Where is the responsibility of our supposed loved ones to make things better for us? Where is the responsibility of society for creating such a world that is so unlivable? If I check out and people feel guilty about it...well maybe they should?